Me Time = Bath Time

I went to a new counselor yesterday.  For a first visit, we hit it off pretty well.  She asked me a bunch of questions and I answered them in my usual fashion which made her laugh.  She was impressed with my personality and I think she was a little surprised that on the inside I was facing some crushing sadness.  We didn't even brush the surface of all the stuff that brought me to her office.  Just the facts yesterday.  I got the feeling that's how she started every single one of her new client relationships.  I'm looking forward to going back.  She was nice and I liked her.

At the end of our first visit - (and I thought to myself "here we go...The part where she tells me to just get out and take a walk or get plenty of sleep, eat better, read a book., etc and I'll feel better.....") - she gave me some "homework".  "Please don't tell me to exercise to feel better", I said.  "I won't do it just to spite us both!"  She laughed.  She knew that already, she said, and she knew better.  Her homework was for me to do something for myself every day.  Have a few minutes of "me time", she said.  She threw out a few suggestions - including a hot, soaking bath.  I promised I would do something everyday.  We made an appointment for next week and I left.

So I got up today rushing around to get ready for work and school - suddenly Matthew comes down with something I can only describe as some sort of dysentery.  It was bad.  Poor thing wasn't going to make it.  I called his doctor and checked in with my office.  He was down for the day, and I was going to be at home with my exploding baby.  And that's my life in a nut-shell.  Single mother-hood is just like that.  Hurry up - do it all by yourself - stay home from work because you have to - struggle to pay the bills - worry about how we're going to make it - get up the next day and start over.  And over.  And over.  It's hard.  It's really hard.  But that's not what this blog post is about.....

So a couple of hours ago I started thinking about the counselor and the "me time" thing I was supposed to do.  Bearing in mind that my meds had stopped working weeks ago and I've been tooling around in the pits of despair lately - where everything bothers me, hurts my feelings and causes me much pain and anxiety (a little dramatic - but still!) - I couldn't think of a single "Me Time" thing that seemed appealing. After too much time worrying about the me-time thing I had to do - I picked BATH.  Yes.  A nice, hot, soaking bath. - I would take advantage of my nice, remodeled bathroom and new bathtub here in my new little house.

I can't remember the last time I took an actual, relaxing bath.  All I usually get to do is jump in a quick shower - likely running late for something.  The last time I even sat down in a bath tub was 11 years ago while I was in labor.  But there's nothing - NOTHING - relaxing about a baby trying to pry your cervix open.  So that didn't count.  Excited about this new 'me time' thing - I turned on the hot, hot water and started to fill the tub.  Then in went my toe.  The water was hot - and that was great!  I got both feet in and started to sit down......

Now, I'm older - and, well, larger - than I was the last time I took a bath.  Once my knees bent into about the 'sitting in a chair' position - I really couldn't squat down much more.  So I ended up just sort of falling the rest of the way in.  BIG SPLASH!  But that's ok!  I was in my glorious, hot, steamy, relaxing, bubble-filled bath for my 'me time'!  I thought back, as a small child in our home I remember being able to swim around in the great big tub.  Not so much anymore.  My legs were so long that I couldn't stretch out - but I was able to lie back and put my feet up on the wall.  I put my hot, wet wash cloth on my head and let Calgon take me away!  It was beautiful!!  I was as relaxed as I've been in forever in my watery haven of peace!  I was in my happy place.  I soaked for what seemed like a lifetime - stress, worry, anxiety just washing away from my water-pruned skin.  I smiled, I stretched my arms up over my head, splashed my feet down into the tub and went to slide under the bubbles (just like Julia Roberts in the movie Pretty Woman).  But my butt stopped sliding when my feet wouldn't go over the non-slip tub mat.  I was suddenly crammed into the fetal position and jammed sideways in my tub.  I was trapped like a big, wet rat.  Luckily there were bubbles in the water so I was able to wriggle myself loose.  I got a leg free but I was in an awkward position.  Bearing in mind that 'moving around room' in a bathtub is a premium that us big girls can hardly afford - I figured I'd just get out and start over.  I threw my leg up and over the side and ended up hanging on to the side of the bathtub like a trick pony rider at the county fair, got a hand on the floor and dragged myself out to safety.  I was a little stunned at how quickly a mental paradise can end up with you butt naked on the bathroom floor.  I laughed a little.  Once I got myself back together I just drained the tub and finished up with a quick shower.

When I got out I looked down into the tub amazed at what all had just happened!  I could have died! But I didn't.  I could needed Matthew to call the fire department to come and rescue me!  But I didn't. 'Me Time' didn't kill me!  Humiliating and physically painful?  Sure.  But it didn't kill me!  And I smell fantastic!  So far cognitive therapy has been a huge success!  I can't wait to see what tomorrow's 'me time' brings. :)  Ultimately the moral of this story is this: If you're going under the bubbles ala Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman - remove the no-slip tub mat.