Caravan of Tuckaseege Bumper Stickers

It was 6 months ago - nearly to the day - that my best friend's home caught on fire.  She and her 4 kids lost nearly everything they had, including two of their beloved pets.  It was a devastating event in a year for her that had already been rocked with a lot of hardship.  But as terrible a thing it is to round the corner of the street to your home and see the fire department beating down flames, there was so much good that came out of it as well.  I went home that night, unable to sleep, and wrote about it.  Here's a portion of that blog post:

"And then tonight happened.  Tonight we were serving a meal and a sermon to the people at the Gastonia Street Ministries.  We've been going the 2nd Thursday of each month for the last couple of years.  We've nearly got it down to an art!  I don't want to say 'routine' - but it sort of just works out that way now. Tonight was all together different though.  We got a phone call during the meal service about an emergency back at the home of one of our team members.  And suddenly that little "Gang of Doers" sprang into action to rally around our Christian sister in her time of need.  By the time we rounded the corner of her street in our neighborhood, the road was lined with fire trucks and Tuckaseege bumper stickers.  The scene was bad.  It was.  But the first thing I spotted amid the flashing lights and chaos was love.  As a verb, love was spilling out all over the street in front of her home.  Before the first responders had even taken off their jackets - my church had my sweet friend taken care of.  All of our pastors were there - 2 of them even in super hero shirts (because they just both happened to be wearing super hero shirts today - it's how they roll).  Sunday school teachers, one of the firemen was a life-grouper, ex-veterinary technicians to take care of a pet bird, sisters from our prison ministry, our church brother Stephen Stephens (yes, that's really his name) who is just known for giving the BEST HUGS!  Within minutes she and her kids and her dog had a place to stay, new pajamas, any toothbrush, shampoo type thing they might need, breakfast lined up for morning and a solid plan to take care of that family for the next coming days.  Weeks, even.  As long as she needs help - the church is already planning to be there.  The Bible tells us that where ever two or more are gathered in Jesus name - the Holy Spirit is there as well.  He was there tonight - I felt Him.  Even in the face of this disaster - God was there.  And so was half the church and the entire Mt. Holly fire department - who saved the lives of two of her pets and saved her home from total destruction."

Our beloved church came together that night and helped my friend.  It was a scary time for her and the kids as sudden homelessness has a way of causing worry.  But overall I believe she rested in the fact that God dispatched His people to her side in her time of need.  I loved my church already - but I fell madly in love that night - watching them join up to practice "Love in Action", just like the tee-shirts say.

So fast forward to today.  The house has been completely restored - even upgraded in spots and it's beautiful!  There's no sign of fire anywhere, fresh, bright paint on the walls, new floors, doors and cabinets,   The insurance company took good care of her, the restoration company did a fantastic job and it was exciting to see the house, sparkly clean and new!!  Today was moving day!  And just like 6 months ago when many people from the church showed up - there they were again today.

Many of the same people from the night of the fire promising to help her where ever they could help - saw it through to the end of this ordeal.  There were so many people who showed up to help that we were able to do a "fireman's brigade line", just handing stuff to the person standing beside us from the truck all the way into the back of the house!  It was amazing to see these people still loving on her - long after the immediate crisis had ceased.  And just like last time - God showed Himself in the details of the day, Love poured out onto Hill Street again and the road was lined with Tuckaseege Bumper Stickers.

1 John 3:18 says, "Dear Children, Let us not love with words or speech but in actions and in truth".We say that all the time - "Love in Action"!!  But what does it mean?  You can be a nice person and help somebody move some furniture or paint a room or babysit some children or cook someone a meal or buy a coffee for the guy behind you in a line.  But without LOVE it is just a nice gesture.  Likewise - if someone needs something and you, Christian reader, say "God Bless You!  I love ya and I'll be praying" but don't offer any practical help then you're not really loving the way you've been called to love (remember - "your neighbor as yourself?!").  Love in Action - Showing love BY your actions.  And you love others because you're loved by the One who is Love.

Again, I want to thank my sweet church.  It does my heart happy to be a part of such an amazing group of 'doers'.  If you ever need me - all you have to do is ask!

The Church Pew

There was light and beauty.  There was wisdom, friendship, family and love.  There were several very different walks of life all brought together this morning - like a naturally scattered stone path perfectly placed by God Himself - on one pew of the church.

On the end was a husband and wife.  Her mother was a church member when she was born so that makes her a 'lifer'!  He fell in love with her while they were teens - and he came to the church for her.  When he finally found Jesus - he came for Jesus.  And her!  I imagine between the two of them with the time they've spent together in the church, they have heard the Bible preached and the Gospel told every way it could possibly be presented - and more than once!  They are a beautiful example of humility, quiet giving and doers of the Word. They've lived in the same house for more than 30 years.

Beside her on the pew was her dear friend and neighbor.  They have lived life beside each other forever even going into the hospital on the same day as they both gave birth to their first daughters.  I imagine these two have turned to each other a thousand times over the years - each considering the other "that friend".  They love each other with Christian hearts and a lot like sisters!  It's the pair of friends you hope you and your bestie will grow up and be someday!

That woman married into one of the founding families of the church.  Her last name goes hand in hand with our church!  You rarely see the church without her in it.  She's a Sunday School teacher and a Lifegroup leader.  She really, really knows so much about walking with Christ - she's raised two girls into Women of God and she's been a mother to countless others.  She's the mother for those who's moms are gone - in one way or another.  And sometimes even a grandma to little children who need a Godly grandparent!  She is beauty and grace and she's the kind of Godly woman strive to be.

Right beside her was a woman who grew up a long way from our small town.  She grew up in a home who didn't attend church or talk much about Jesus.  But just as if God had a plan - she and her husband made their way into our state - and then into our church!  She would tell you herself that she was uncomfortable in certain situations, she didn't know how to be the 'doer' we as Christians are expected to be.  But she wanted to!  She plugged herself into all kinds of church activities and events so she could step out a little further in faith.  She is one of the many who was taken under the wing of the woman to her right.  She has learned by spending time with her how to be a Christian wife, a Christian mother, a sister and even a Christian daughter - shining the light of Christ brightly into her childhood home.  And since being so far away from home and family is hard, she has a Godly 'substitute mom' and her kids have a beautiful church family who want nothing more but the very best for them.  It's God's hand-picked relationship and part of His large plan!  Lately she's climbed way out of her comfort-zone to be a friend to a girl in real need of friendship.  Someone who at times would not even get out of bed if it wasn't necessary.  Someone suffering and in pain.  She sat beside her on the pew.

That woman always 'knew' God - but didn't really KNOW God.  When she finally gave herself to Him fully He gave her a beautiful church to call home and a church family who was in place by the time the last of her own family had died.  She too has been mothered by our beautiful Sunday School teacher.  She's come so far in her Christian walk - going from party girl, bar-hopper to one who speaks to ladies in prison or girls at a homeless shelter.  She loves Jesus - and she loves God's people.  She encourages those who know her - at least she's been told that countless times.  But.  She suffers greatly with sadness - diagnosed with Major Depression.  When she has her dark times she has a tendency to isolate herself, not reach out, not do the things she usually loves....many Sundays she wouldn't even make it to church.  She's been ministered to by that dear Christian sister - who at one time struggled with reaching out to anyone outside of her comfort zone.  It's a friendship that's blooming like a flower tended to by God!  That sad girl is me.  And I'm so grateful God put us together in His master garden!

Beside me on the pew this morning was a young lady who reminds me a lot of myself 20 years earlier.  Except she's making it on her own way better than I ever could!  I was lucky enough to have a loving family who did for me anything I could have ever needed.  That just doesn't seem to be the case for her.  She found her way to our church this past summer and ended up falling in love with Jesus there!  She needs help because she's young - both in life and her Christian walk - and I love her so.  I am compelled to reach out to her and make sure she's reminded often how much Jesus loves her!  It's funny how much I can't keep myself together some days but I can be a help to someone else.  I know God has used me in her life in some way because I've seen that look on her face that you get when you realize a prayer has been answered!  It won't be long before she's got someone sitting to her left who she's ministered to.  Someone who can look at her and say "well, if God can work it out for her He can work it out for me too!"  (Just like she can say about me!) She's already a strong, surviving, single-mom.  She'll be a powerful testimony to God's Grace and Mercy!  She's beautiful and I love that God has brought her into my life - our lives as a church!

Today our pastor was talking about those times in life where you wonder where God is.  Sometimes you just want to cry out "WHERE ARE YOU NOW, GOD?!  WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AND WHERE ARE YOU?!?!"  But God is everywhere, he said.  God is your neighbor.  God is your friend.  If the Holy Spirit is in you then you are the Hands and Feet of Jesus.  "Look beside you", he said.  "God is there."

And then I thought about the people on my pew alone and the wisdom, love and grace that has moved from person to person down the row.  It's easy to see the hand of God moving from that Life long church couple right down to the baby christian - so new to the faith and still wondering "where are you, God" herself.

And that was just one pew.  Imagine a world where we invested some time, wisdom and love into just the one person beside us.  God's grace reaching out to every person to our left, thanking God for the person on our right!  Go be Jesus for someone on your pew.

Me Time = Bath Time

I went to a new counselor yesterday.  For a first visit, we hit it off pretty well.  She asked me a bunch of questions and I answered them in my usual fashion which made her laugh.  She was impressed with my personality and I think she was a little surprised that on the inside I was facing some crushing sadness.  We didn't even brush the surface of all the stuff that brought me to her office.  Just the facts yesterday.  I got the feeling that's how she started every single one of her new client relationships.  I'm looking forward to going back.  She was nice and I liked her.

At the end of our first visit - (and I thought to myself "here we go...The part where she tells me to just get out and take a walk or get plenty of sleep, eat better, read a book., etc and I'll feel better.....") - she gave me some "homework".  "Please don't tell me to exercise to feel better", I said.  "I won't do it just to spite us both!"  She laughed.  She knew that already, she said, and she knew better.  Her homework was for me to do something for myself every day.  Have a few minutes of "me time", she said.  She threw out a few suggestions - including a hot, soaking bath.  I promised I would do something everyday.  We made an appointment for next week and I left.

So I got up today rushing around to get ready for work and school - suddenly Matthew comes down with something I can only describe as some sort of dysentery.  It was bad.  Poor thing wasn't going to make it.  I called his doctor and checked in with my office.  He was down for the day, and I was going to be at home with my exploding baby.  And that's my life in a nut-shell.  Single mother-hood is just like that.  Hurry up - do it all by yourself - stay home from work because you have to - struggle to pay the bills - worry about how we're going to make it - get up the next day and start over.  And over.  And over.  It's hard.  It's really hard.  But that's not what this blog post is about.....

So a couple of hours ago I started thinking about the counselor and the "me time" thing I was supposed to do.  Bearing in mind that my meds had stopped working weeks ago and I've been tooling around in the pits of despair lately - where everything bothers me, hurts my feelings and causes me much pain and anxiety (a little dramatic - but still!) - I couldn't think of a single "Me Time" thing that seemed appealing. After too much time worrying about the me-time thing I had to do - I picked BATH.  Yes.  A nice, hot, soaking bath. - I would take advantage of my nice, remodeled bathroom and new bathtub here in my new little house.

I can't remember the last time I took an actual, relaxing bath.  All I usually get to do is jump in a quick shower - likely running late for something.  The last time I even sat down in a bath tub was 11 years ago while I was in labor.  But there's nothing - NOTHING - relaxing about a baby trying to pry your cervix open.  So that didn't count.  Excited about this new 'me time' thing - I turned on the hot, hot water and started to fill the tub.  Then in went my toe.  The water was hot - and that was great!  I got both feet in and started to sit down......

Now, I'm older - and, well, larger - than I was the last time I took a bath.  Once my knees bent into about the 'sitting in a chair' position - I really couldn't squat down much more.  So I ended up just sort of falling the rest of the way in.  BIG SPLASH!  But that's ok!  I was in my glorious, hot, steamy, relaxing, bubble-filled bath for my 'me time'!  I thought back, as a small child in our home I remember being able to swim around in the great big tub.  Not so much anymore.  My legs were so long that I couldn't stretch out - but I was able to lie back and put my feet up on the wall.  I put my hot, wet wash cloth on my head and let Calgon take me away!  It was beautiful!!  I was as relaxed as I've been in forever in my watery haven of peace!  I was in my happy place.  I soaked for what seemed like a lifetime - stress, worry, anxiety just washing away from my water-pruned skin.  I smiled, I stretched my arms up over my head, splashed my feet down into the tub and went to slide under the bubbles (just like Julia Roberts in the movie Pretty Woman).  But my butt stopped sliding when my feet wouldn't go over the non-slip tub mat.  I was suddenly crammed into the fetal position and jammed sideways in my tub.  I was trapped like a big, wet rat.  Luckily there were bubbles in the water so I was able to wriggle myself loose.  I got a leg free but I was in an awkward position.  Bearing in mind that 'moving around room' in a bathtub is a premium that us big girls can hardly afford - I figured I'd just get out and start over.  I threw my leg up and over the side and ended up hanging on to the side of the bathtub like a trick pony rider at the county fair, got a hand on the floor and dragged myself out to safety.  I was a little stunned at how quickly a mental paradise can end up with you butt naked on the bathroom floor.  I laughed a little.  Once I got myself back together I just drained the tub and finished up with a quick shower.

When I got out I looked down into the tub amazed at what all had just happened!  I could have died! But I didn't.  I could needed Matthew to call the fire department to come and rescue me!  But I didn't. 'Me Time' didn't kill me!  Humiliating and physically painful?  Sure.  But it didn't kill me!  And I smell fantastic!  So far cognitive therapy has been a huge success!  I can't wait to see what tomorrow's 'me time' brings. :)  Ultimately the moral of this story is this: If you're going under the bubbles ala Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman - remove the no-slip tub mat.

Sometimes Love In Action Looks Like Loaf Bread, Fire Trucks And Tuckaseege Bumper Stickers

Life is precious.  And it's sometimes insane.  I learned that tonight.  I need to talk about it.  And now that everyone's gone to bed I think I'll write about it.  To start with... I haven't written anything in this blog worth mentioning for the last 2 years. Before my mom got sick I wrote often - writing is my hobby and something I enjoy a great deal.  While she was sick I was just a giant ball of emotions and it would all come spilling out on the page.  After she died I wrote 4 or 5 pieces that were published in the papers.  Three months after her death I was so wracked with grief that I couldn't even hold my eyes open without pain.  I didn't feel like living - certainly didn't feel like writing.  The doctor said "there's a pill for that" and he put me on anti-depressant medication.  It must've done something for me - at least I stopped crying uncontrollably and I didn't throw up from stress headaches anymore.  But it sucked the emotions out of me.  My will to do much of anything was gone.  I made it through the days but that was it.  How boring a life to live if you can't feel it some kind of way.  Emotions are the stuff that makes it all interesting.  And without some sort of feelings - I didn't have much to write about at all.

A couple of months ago the doctor worked with me to finally ween me off the medicine.  Although I wouldn't know for sure, I'm thinking coming off of anti-depressant medication feels like kicking heroin.  Or maybe getting run over by a bus.  There's even a name for it, "Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome".  Yep.  I was ate up in some Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome and it was B-A-D.  Regardless.  I've endured the weeks of hellish, albeit gradual, withdrawal symptoms and I'm happy to say that I took my last 1/2 a pill last night.  And wouldn't you know it - opportunity for every emotion known to man presented itself to me tonight.  I have felt so many different kinds of ways tonight that I thought for a minute my head might explode.  But the thing I felt the most tonight was God.  I felt His loving mercies wrapped all around me so much so that the hairs stood up on the back of my neck.  I wanted to shout out to everyone, "DO YOU FEEL THAT?!  THAT'S GOD!!!"  

I didn't necessarily mean to get all personal.  I don't know who all reads my blog posts (it surprises me at times when I track my 'hits' and see that people all over the world read my blog.  It's not many people but they're certainly spread out.  Russia, Turkey, Australia, etc.)  So bear with me, my worldly, blog-reading brothers and sisters but I need to get even a little more personal tonight...........I need to speak to my church!

Anyone who knows me knows I love my church.  Tuckaseege Baptist Church, 511 Tuckaseege Road, Mt. Holly, North Carolina, USA.  We have this thing we do called "Love in Action".  The idea is to go out and show people the Love of Christ with our actions - by meeting their needs practically.  Whether it's a meal, a blanket or a ride to somewhere - someone from my church will make it happen for someone in need.  We take it very seriously too.  We have T-shirts that say "Love in Action", a facebook page dedicated to it - and a list of ministries that we partner with on a weekly basis - reaching outside of our church walls to lend a hand.  To be a hand - the Hands and Feet of Jesus.  We have this little thing we say a lot for social media posts saying "Sometimes Love in Action looks a lot like _______________".  Could be anything from changing a tire to watching someone's kids to scraping paint off an old picnic table.  We're not trying to show off, nobody's bragging or saying, "Hey!  Look at me helping someone!" We genuinely love on others because HE loves us. The T-shirts just make us sort of look like a team!

Our church is very good at reaching out to people on the streets, prisoners, shut ins, and hungry people.  It should have been no surprise to me that when I had a need it would be met.  It never occurred to me to ask the very "Love in Action" gang of church people that I'm apart of for help.  But I didn't.  My finances have been disastrous lately - I pray all the time about it saying things like "God, I know you parted the Red Sea for your servant Moses.  Could you possibly help me out with some rent money?"  The other day I was having a conversation with one of my friends from my Life Group (small group, community group, whatever you call yours). "Gas money or Power Bill" I joked as I pulled into the gas station.  "I guess my power will be cut off Monday."  I was laughing - but it was really no joke.  The power was due to be cut off several days before payday.  Without saying anything else about it - my friend had rallied the Life Group and paid my power bill by that night.  One of the girls even hacked into my account to find out how much I owed! (Crazy, stalker lifegroup friends!)  And that would have been more than enough.  But a few days later several of my life group ladies "blitzed" a grocery store and came to my house with many giant bags over flowing with food!!  How could they have known that my cabinet consisted of one can of enchilada sauce and some expired fruit cocktail?!  The Bible says in Luke 6:38, "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you".  Just a week earlier I had given away my last 6-pack of Ramen Noodles to a family that needed some assistance.  I will never take having food for granted again.  It's pretty much everywhere - until you don't have any and no money for any.  Then suddenly a loaf of bread that you didn't have to scrape up change for is like Manna from Heaven.  For me, it might as well have been Manna from Heaven.  It was a miracle - made possible by my church (the hands and feet of Jesus) who does what the Bible says in 1 John 3:18, "Let us not love with words but in actions and in truth".

And then tonight happened.  Tonight we were serving a meal and a sermon to the people at the Gastonia Street Ministries.  We've been going the 2nd Thursday of each month for the last couple of years.  We've nearly got it down to an art!  I don't want to say 'routine' - but it sort of just works out that way now. Tonight was all together different though.  We got a phone call during the meal service about an emergency back at the home of one of our team members.  And suddenly that little "Gang of Doers" sprang into action to rally around our Christian sister in her time of need.  By the time we rounded the corner of her street in our neighborhood, the road was lined with fire trucks and Tuckaseege bumper stickers.  The scene was bad.  It was.  But the first thing I spotted amid the flashing lights and chaos was love.  As a verb, love was spilling out all over the street in front of her home.  Before the first responders had even taken off their jackets - my church had my sweet friend taken care of.  All of our pastors were there - 2 of them even in super hero shirts (because they just both happened to be wearing super hero shirts today - it's how they roll).  Sunday school teachers, one of the firemen was a life-grouper, ex-veterinary technicians to take care of a pet bird, sisters from our prison ministry, our church brother Stephen Stephens (yes, that's really his name) who is just known for giving the BEST HUGS!  Within minutes she and her kids and her dog had a place to stay, new pajamas, any toothbrush, shampoo type thing they might need, breakfast lined up for morning and a solid plan to take care of that family for the next coming days.  Weeks, even.  As long as she needs help - the church is already planning to be there.  The Bible tells us that where ever two or more are gathered in Jesus name - the Holy Spirit is there as well.  He was there tonight - I felt Him.  Even in the face of this disaster - God was there.  And so was half the church and the entire Mt. Holly fire department - who saved the lives of two of her pets and saved her home from total destruction.

I guess at this point I'm rambling.  Perhaps that medication kept me from running on so much?!  I don't know.  But what a night to be un-medicated.  This blog post is likely not to get picked up by any publication - and that's fine.  At least I'm writing again.  I just wanted to tell you, dear reader, how awesome my church is.  But I don't think I can string the right words together to tell my church what they mean to me.  Thank you for the power bill.  Thank you for the groceries.  Thank you for loving people who live in the streets.  Thank you for encouraging me to love.  Thank you for showing our neighborhood tonight what a church is supposed to look like.  Thank you for accepting me - Antidepression Discontinuation Syndrome and all.  Thank you Stephen Stephens for the best hug I've ever had!  Thank you Jones Family for opening your home to our giant life group every week.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for loving my son.  Thank you for praying for us at every turn.  And thank you for being the good and faithful servants that you are.  Sometimes Love in Action looks like a random collection of people mixed together by God Himself to meet the practical needs of those in need.  It looks just like you, my beloved Tuckaseege.  Thank you for being Love in Action.

An Open Letter To All the Terrorists In My Cell Phone Contact List

An Open Letter To All the Terrorists In My Cell Phone Contact List,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think they're on to you. Luckily a UK Newspaper alerted us before our big plans were foiled. I would have expected a news organization on this side of the pond to be all over news like this - but for whatever reason they just didn't 'see' it. Regardless...

I felt pretty sure the Government would never suspect a thing. I mean, living in a 1-light town, raising my kid on our safe little street, doing my work-a-day job and minding my own business; how in the world would they think to get up in my phone records?! But they did. They have deemed the grab of my - and millions of other American's - phone records as necessary to fight the war on terror. A war the government says is all but over.

The National Security Administration tells me not to worry. There is nothing improper going on here. Eric Holder and the Department of Justice says they're not using my records for anything - they just have them and will continue to have them for my own safety. He'll "look in to it", says Mr. Holder. Why should I doubt him? So don't you worry about anything, my Al-Qaeda terror cell contacts. Just don't call me for a few weeks! 

However, I do have cause to worry. By now they have probably uncovered our plans for my massive yard sale. That was supposed to be a secret! You know I was going to try and pull that off without a permit - under the guise of "I didn't know you needed one". But now they're surely on to me. I'll likely face heavy fines, be threatened by "the man" to shut down my operation or risk jail time. The IRS will come and tax me on the income we receive from selling Matthew's toys and some household trinkets. I cringe at the thoughts. They know I pray to Jesus. Because I receive the "One-Call" from church, they know I'm a Southern Baptist. They know that I ordered a copy of George Orwell's 1984. They know I voted for Romney. These things, in the face of our only-tolerant-when-it-suits-them-government, may very well be held against me - despite being the land of the 'free'.

Surely they'll use these things they've gleaned from my phone records to not only persecute me and my desire and RIGHT to freedom, but to track down terrorists the world over. So be mindful if you dial my Verizon-owned phone number - you are being tracked by the government. Yes, you might just be planning a Sunday School outing - but you also might be planning to fill up book bags with pressure cookers and blow up a gang of school children in the name of Ala. Who's to say? You? The Government? Our government has proven that it doesn't really matter what you say - it's what they think. So good luck with that. 

Also be aware that they know - just by the phone numbers I dial - that I am a conservative, Jesus-Loving, Gun Appreciating, Southern-born, America-Defending, born-free white woman who's not a great big fan of this over-reaching, socialist wanting government. So you, by calling me on the phone would likely be considered 'guilty by association'.

The bottom line is this, I just can't provide you any expectation of privacy if you call me again. You might try to text. Oh, wait. No. Don't text - try to email. Oh, wait. Department of Justice subpoenas email accounts also. Hey, try Facbook - no. Wait. I'm sure there's cyber-crime bots scanning our every word for 'triggers' or things that might cause them alarm. If you don't want the government to be on your trail, just don't contact me - or anyone else - at all. It's just not safe. You might try to wave if you drive by - just do be too obvious.

This will be my last contact with you, my cell phone crime ring. Surely before I walk away from this computer (plugged into the internet and likely tapped by Big Brother) they are likely to turn up the heat. I won't go down without a fight!! (Unless they try to deprive me of pasta or sugar - then I'm apt to see like a hungry bird!)

God Bless America - MY home sweet home. (For now anyway!)

IT'S WE THE PEOPLE - NOT YOU THE GOVERNMENT

From President Obama's speech yesterday:

"Journalists should not be at legal risk for doing their jobs.  Our focus must be on those who break the law.  I have raised these issues with the attorney general, who shares my concern.  So he has agreed to review existing DOJ guidelines governing investigations that involve reporters, and will convene a group of media organizations to hear their concerns as part of that review.  And I have directed the attorney general to report back to me by July 12th."

Our president must think we're all stupid.  The Attorney General (Eric Holder) is the one who signed the paper full of accusations and inflammatory nonsense that accused a man of being a SPY and putting National Security at risk, asking the judge to for-go the usual process in order to have access to the Fox Reporter's records.

When he investigates himself and then reports back to the president - what is he going to say?  Do you think for a minute he'll say - "Geez Mr. President, Barry, my old buddy, I was wrong and I committed a crime".  Nope.  Not very likely.  He can't say "I didn't know about that" (like he did with the AP Phone Records Grab) because he himself SIGNED the paper.  If the president does not demand a CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION (at the least the resignation of) his old pal Eric Holder then I contend the "REAL" conspiracy is not the Fox News Reporter but this whole administration.

First was the Benghazi cover up.  So as not to hurt his chances in the election, Obama not only downplayed the obvious act of terrorism, he outright lied when he said the attack was the result of some stupid You Tube Video.  Why would he do that?  Because he was in the middle of a campaign - a CLOSE campaign - saying that because "he" got rid of Bin Laden that we're all safer from terrorism and Al-Qaeda is all but gone.  He said that exact same thing to a group of people on a campaign stop in Las Vegas the very next day after Al-Qaeda supporters stormed our Embassy, killed our ambassador to Libya - and paraded his dead body around long enough for pictures to be taken of him slung over a man's shoulder.

4 Americans died as someone from our Government gave orders to stand down.  Then the State Department - Hilary Clinton and her pawns - LIED, LIED, LIED so much so they changed the talking points for the Obama Administration's mouth piece to go in front of the national media and LIE to the American People and BLAME AN AMERICAN FOR MAKING AN UGLY VIDEO ABOUT MUHAMMAD.  By the way... we all now no that it had nothing to do with any video protest - but the video maker is STILL IN JAIL.  Thank you Government!  May I have another?!  And Victoria Newland - the highest person (so far) who most likely changed the talking points - instead of being fired - is getting a promotion.  Assistant Secretary of State.  That is not even logical.

Then the IRS targeting right-leaning groups, dare I say HARASSING groups with words like "Tea Party" or "patriot" in their names.  Even auditing religious organizations like The Billy Graham Evangelical Association and Samaritan's Purse according to Franklin Graham himself.  Why?  So as not to hurt his chances in the election, this department under his watch - intimidated, targeted, harassed, asking for donor information and THEN targeting the donors and their companies, slowing up their process, costing them money for legal fees to fight off accusations and protect their organizations and businesses.  This was done in hopes that these "Anybody But Obama Supporters" would be silenced and just go away.  Unfortunately, it worked for some.  Fortunately many of them have come forward, shining a light on this BLATANT wielding of Government Power influencing the election.

And now this same department - the IRS - will be in charge of the Nation's Healthcare Program.  I sure hope they don't decide who gets treatment (instead of say, tax exempt status) based on who they voted for.

Then this trampling of the 1st amendment right to the press and CRIMINAL MISCONDUCT of the Department of Justice.  What's that about?  So as not to hurt his chances in the election, the Associated Press (the supposed 'standard' of the Press) was asked by this administration to hold off on running a story about a terror plot that was interrupted by our military.  And the AP obliged.  The government wanted to be the one to "announce this great terrorist take down - and dictate the information that got out there.  And the government grabbed the phone records of more than 100 phone lines and tried to find out how they were 'scooped'.

Once that got out - it was just a matter of time before others got out as well.  It was discovered that Fox News was a target of the Department of Justice, and one reporter in particular being labeled a criminal and a spy.  And there was grave threat to National Security in the case against the Fox reporter.  It was story about North Korea and it's idiot stick leader Kim Jung Un's reaction to sanctions.  He was mad.  Well, he's always mad.

So far not one meaningful person has been held accountable for any of these things.  THIS IS NUTS!  How can FREE AMERICA look the other way when even our election is marred in controversy?  When our freedoms and privacy is being infringed on by an power-drunk, too big, big brother government determined to keep us all under its rule.

We the People are NOT at the mercy of our US Government.  The Government works for us.  WE are/at least should be the BOSS.  Do not stand idly by and let this administration - or any administration - shred our Constitution and throw the pieces in our face.  Be heard.  Demand answers.  DEMAND THE TRUTH.  And DEMAND that those responsible (and the buck stops with Obama) be held accountable.

There is a "There there", Mr. President.  And we will find it.  And you will be held accountable.  Your legacy will be one filled with lies, crimes, over reaching, power hungry distain for this Great Nation of ours.  Good Luck with that.

She Sends Me Rainbows

It's been a little more than a year since my mom passed away.  392 1/2 days to be exact.  Not that I'm counting.  This year March roared in like a lion alright - it roared out also.  The anniversary of her passing came and I thought the day might kill me.  I didn't utter the first word about it.  I didn't need or want sympathy and I was trying very hard not to make some sort of shrine out of her death.  I certainly didn't want to acknowledge the single worst day of my life.  It's the days like that that I need my mom the most.  She would have called me to check in on me.  Just to make sure I was ok.  But I wasn't going to hear from her so I just put my head into my new work that day and got through it.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit ~ Psalm 34:18

It's the nightfall that's so hard.  When I'm tired my mind starts to wander off to places I wish I could go.  Like home, or back to the 70's when everyone was alive and we were a family, or Heaven, to name just a few.  I climb into her sheets, on the bed that used to be hers, restless and worried.  I close my eyes and pray.  "Dear God, could you give my mom a kiss for me and make sure she's doing ok?  I know Heaven is nice - but I'm sure my mother misses me.  Maybe You can let her know when she can expect me so she doesn't have to worry?  Could you tell my family I said hello?  I miss them, Lord.  A girl needs her mom.  I know I shouldn't question you, God, but I don't understand Your schedule.  It doesn't make sense to take them all away.  Leaving my mom here with me for a little while longer would have been the logical thing.  Right?"

......By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his son is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.  ~ Psalm 42:5

I toss, I turn, I look at the clock.  I pull my extra pillow up under my chin and give it a little hug.  It's sort of strange, yes, but it comforts me in the darkness.  "Embrace me, Lord".  I continue to pray.  I'm scared and alone here.  Enclose me in the sleeves of Your billowing robe.  Surely I can find some peace in the layers of Your soft garments?  My God, hear my cries.  Bend down from Heaven and kiss the top of my head.  Calm me with Your loving voice.  Just like a mother runs to the aid of her child - awakened by something and crying in the night, come in and check on me.  I'm just like a scared child, Father.  And I need You to tell me everything's going to be ok.  Just stay here with me until  I fall asleep."  

.....He will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict of grieve the children of men.  ~ Lamentations 3:32

My dreams can haunt me.  Sometimes I have heard my mom's voice so clearly calling my name that I would get up out of bed and look for her.  But I'm always only dreaming.  And I always wake up.  Sometimes not only do I fall asleep sad and worried, but I wake up in the middle of the night still sad and more exhausted.  And I pray some more.  "Please God, I'm begging You.  Please just bring the peace.  I think if I could just stop dreaming, maybe I'll be ok.  Stay here with me just a little longer, Lord.  Rock me to peaceful slumber."  And finally the sleep comes, turning the night into daylight......


.....Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. ~ Psalm 30:5

Morning finally comes.  Before the sun comes up I make my way into the kitchen to make my coffee.  I enjoy the smell of coffee brewing and I look forward to that first cup!  I can hear the birds singing right outside my back door.  There's a large bush right off the back step that seems to be home to a feathered family.  She sings so sweetly, waking up her babies for their breakfast.  I open the door and let my cat in.  He's always happy to see me, rubbing up against my leg and meowing at me a catful 'good morning'.  The air outside is crisp and fresh, just right.  It's peaceful and quiet.

My kitchen window faces east in just such a way that I can see the sun just as it starts to peek over the trees.  It sends orange shards of light shooting upward, bouncing on the pillowy clouds.  The sky is lighting afire in a reddish haze.  "My God, what an artist You are!", I pray.  Thank You for the sun, thank You for letting me wake up to see it!  It's a beautiful day and it reminds me of the hope I have.  I'm grateful for the daylight and grateful for God's mercy.  The warmth of the sun reminds me of my blessings, it reminds me that yes, Jesus loves me.  I'm not alone and there is purpose in my life.

I drink my coffee from my mom's cup and I think of mornings with her, drinking our coffee together and talking about the garden plans.  It makes me smile.  The sun creeps slowly upward, waking the yard with its light.  The little squirrels and the early birds break the motionless early morning and the dew glistens like diamonds spread over the grass.  My heart is happy - it's a beautiful day.  Thank you Lord, for the daylight.

On the day my mom died the skies over Charlotte filled with a massive rainbow.  It was such a thing of beauty someone's photograph of it even made the news.  I called it Mama's Rainbow - as far as I was concerned she sent that rainbow to let us know she made it home ok!  That night I went to her home to get some things I would need - her clothes for a funeral, important papers, etc.  And I grabbed a little sun catcher from her kitchen window.  Clearly it wasn't something I needed but I wanted it more than anything else in the whole house.  

When the sun came up that next morning the light shined through the little sun-catcher and sent the beams of color stretching along my kitchen and even down into the hall way.  The colorful lights were everywhere, filling up the rooms and rising up the walls with the sun.  It was my mom saying "Hi", I figured, and I walked around in the light.  

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. ~ Isaiah 58:8

Not one day has the little window trinket failed to catch the sun.  And every morning when I see the little spots of color start to shine and creep up the walls I think of my mom.  She's basking in the light of the lamb, praising her Savior, beautiful and alive!  She thinks of me every morning and she sends me rainbows.  And until the night falls again I'm embraced in my mother's light and I'm at peace.