Caravan of Tuckaseege Bumper Stickers

It was 6 months ago - nearly to the day - that my best friend's home caught on fire.  She and her 4 kids lost nearly everything they had, including two of their beloved pets.  It was a devastating event in a year for her that had already been rocked with a lot of hardship.  But as terrible a thing it is to round the corner of the street to your home and see the fire department beating down flames, there was so much good that came out of it as well.  I went home that night, unable to sleep, and wrote about it.  Here's a portion of that blog post:

"And then tonight happened.  Tonight we were serving a meal and a sermon to the people at the Gastonia Street Ministries.  We've been going the 2nd Thursday of each month for the last couple of years.  We've nearly got it down to an art!  I don't want to say 'routine' - but it sort of just works out that way now. Tonight was all together different though.  We got a phone call during the meal service about an emergency back at the home of one of our team members.  And suddenly that little "Gang of Doers" sprang into action to rally around our Christian sister in her time of need.  By the time we rounded the corner of her street in our neighborhood, the road was lined with fire trucks and Tuckaseege bumper stickers.  The scene was bad.  It was.  But the first thing I spotted amid the flashing lights and chaos was love.  As a verb, love was spilling out all over the street in front of her home.  Before the first responders had even taken off their jackets - my church had my sweet friend taken care of.  All of our pastors were there - 2 of them even in super hero shirts (because they just both happened to be wearing super hero shirts today - it's how they roll).  Sunday school teachers, one of the firemen was a life-grouper, ex-veterinary technicians to take care of a pet bird, sisters from our prison ministry, our church brother Stephen Stephens (yes, that's really his name) who is just known for giving the BEST HUGS!  Within minutes she and her kids and her dog had a place to stay, new pajamas, any toothbrush, shampoo type thing they might need, breakfast lined up for morning and a solid plan to take care of that family for the next coming days.  Weeks, even.  As long as she needs help - the church is already planning to be there.  The Bible tells us that where ever two or more are gathered in Jesus name - the Holy Spirit is there as well.  He was there tonight - I felt Him.  Even in the face of this disaster - God was there.  And so was half the church and the entire Mt. Holly fire department - who saved the lives of two of her pets and saved her home from total destruction."

Our beloved church came together that night and helped my friend.  It was a scary time for her and the kids as sudden homelessness has a way of causing worry.  But overall I believe she rested in the fact that God dispatched His people to her side in her time of need.  I loved my church already - but I fell madly in love that night - watching them join up to practice "Love in Action", just like the tee-shirts say.

So fast forward to today.  The house has been completely restored - even upgraded in spots and it's beautiful!  There's no sign of fire anywhere, fresh, bright paint on the walls, new floors, doors and cabinets,   The insurance company took good care of her, the restoration company did a fantastic job and it was exciting to see the house, sparkly clean and new!!  Today was moving day!  And just like 6 months ago when many people from the church showed up - there they were again today.

Many of the same people from the night of the fire promising to help her where ever they could help - saw it through to the end of this ordeal.  There were so many people who showed up to help that we were able to do a "fireman's brigade line", just handing stuff to the person standing beside us from the truck all the way into the back of the house!  It was amazing to see these people still loving on her - long after the immediate crisis had ceased.  And just like last time - God showed Himself in the details of the day, Love poured out onto Hill Street again and the road was lined with Tuckaseege Bumper Stickers.

1 John 3:18 says, "Dear Children, Let us not love with words or speech but in actions and in truth".We say that all the time - "Love in Action"!!  But what does it mean?  You can be a nice person and help somebody move some furniture or paint a room or babysit some children or cook someone a meal or buy a coffee for the guy behind you in a line.  But without LOVE it is just a nice gesture.  Likewise - if someone needs something and you, Christian reader, say "God Bless You!  I love ya and I'll be praying" but don't offer any practical help then you're not really loving the way you've been called to love (remember - "your neighbor as yourself?!").  Love in Action - Showing love BY your actions.  And you love others because you're loved by the One who is Love.

Again, I want to thank my sweet church.  It does my heart happy to be a part of such an amazing group of 'doers'.  If you ever need me - all you have to do is ask!

The Church Pew

There was light and beauty.  There was wisdom, friendship, family and love.  There were several very different walks of life all brought together this morning - like a naturally scattered stone path perfectly placed by God Himself - on one pew of the church.

On the end was a husband and wife.  Her mother was a church member when she was born so that makes her a 'lifer'!  He fell in love with her while they were teens - and he came to the church for her.  When he finally found Jesus - he came for Jesus.  And her!  I imagine between the two of them with the time they've spent together in the church, they have heard the Bible preached and the Gospel told every way it could possibly be presented - and more than once!  They are a beautiful example of humility, quiet giving and doers of the Word. They've lived in the same house for more than 30 years.

Beside her on the pew was her dear friend and neighbor.  They have lived life beside each other forever even going into the hospital on the same day as they both gave birth to their first daughters.  I imagine these two have turned to each other a thousand times over the years - each considering the other "that friend".  They love each other with Christian hearts and a lot like sisters!  It's the pair of friends you hope you and your bestie will grow up and be someday!

That woman married into one of the founding families of the church.  Her last name goes hand in hand with our church!  You rarely see the church without her in it.  She's a Sunday School teacher and a Lifegroup leader.  She really, really knows so much about walking with Christ - she's raised two girls into Women of God and she's been a mother to countless others.  She's the mother for those who's moms are gone - in one way or another.  And sometimes even a grandma to little children who need a Godly grandparent!  She is beauty and grace and she's the kind of Godly woman strive to be.

Right beside her was a woman who grew up a long way from our small town.  She grew up in a home who didn't attend church or talk much about Jesus.  But just as if God had a plan - she and her husband made their way into our state - and then into our church!  She would tell you herself that she was uncomfortable in certain situations, she didn't know how to be the 'doer' we as Christians are expected to be.  But she wanted to!  She plugged herself into all kinds of church activities and events so she could step out a little further in faith.  She is one of the many who was taken under the wing of the woman to her right.  She has learned by spending time with her how to be a Christian wife, a Christian mother, a sister and even a Christian daughter - shining the light of Christ brightly into her childhood home.  And since being so far away from home and family is hard, she has a Godly 'substitute mom' and her kids have a beautiful church family who want nothing more but the very best for them.  It's God's hand-picked relationship and part of His large plan!  Lately she's climbed way out of her comfort-zone to be a friend to a girl in real need of friendship.  Someone who at times would not even get out of bed if it wasn't necessary.  Someone suffering and in pain.  She sat beside her on the pew.

That woman always 'knew' God - but didn't really KNOW God.  When she finally gave herself to Him fully He gave her a beautiful church to call home and a church family who was in place by the time the last of her own family had died.  She too has been mothered by our beautiful Sunday School teacher.  She's come so far in her Christian walk - going from party girl, bar-hopper to one who speaks to ladies in prison or girls at a homeless shelter.  She loves Jesus - and she loves God's people.  She encourages those who know her - at least she's been told that countless times.  But.  She suffers greatly with sadness - diagnosed with Major Depression.  When she has her dark times she has a tendency to isolate herself, not reach out, not do the things she usually loves....many Sundays she wouldn't even make it to church.  She's been ministered to by that dear Christian sister - who at one time struggled with reaching out to anyone outside of her comfort zone.  It's a friendship that's blooming like a flower tended to by God!  That sad girl is me.  And I'm so grateful God put us together in His master garden!

Beside me on the pew this morning was a young lady who reminds me a lot of myself 20 years earlier.  Except she's making it on her own way better than I ever could!  I was lucky enough to have a loving family who did for me anything I could have ever needed.  That just doesn't seem to be the case for her.  She found her way to our church this past summer and ended up falling in love with Jesus there!  She needs help because she's young - both in life and her Christian walk - and I love her so.  I am compelled to reach out to her and make sure she's reminded often how much Jesus loves her!  It's funny how much I can't keep myself together some days but I can be a help to someone else.  I know God has used me in her life in some way because I've seen that look on her face that you get when you realize a prayer has been answered!  It won't be long before she's got someone sitting to her left who she's ministered to.  Someone who can look at her and say "well, if God can work it out for her He can work it out for me too!"  (Just like she can say about me!) She's already a strong, surviving, single-mom.  She'll be a powerful testimony to God's Grace and Mercy!  She's beautiful and I love that God has brought her into my life - our lives as a church!

Today our pastor was talking about those times in life where you wonder where God is.  Sometimes you just want to cry out "WHERE ARE YOU NOW, GOD?!  WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AND WHERE ARE YOU?!?!"  But God is everywhere, he said.  God is your neighbor.  God is your friend.  If the Holy Spirit is in you then you are the Hands and Feet of Jesus.  "Look beside you", he said.  "God is there."

And then I thought about the people on my pew alone and the wisdom, love and grace that has moved from person to person down the row.  It's easy to see the hand of God moving from that Life long church couple right down to the baby christian - so new to the faith and still wondering "where are you, God" herself.

And that was just one pew.  Imagine a world where we invested some time, wisdom and love into just the one person beside us.  God's grace reaching out to every person to our left, thanking God for the person on our right!  Go be Jesus for someone on your pew.

Me Time = Bath Time

I went to a new counselor yesterday.  For a first visit, we hit it off pretty well.  She asked me a bunch of questions and I answered them in my usual fashion which made her laugh.  She was impressed with my personality and I think she was a little surprised that on the inside I was facing some crushing sadness.  We didn't even brush the surface of all the stuff that brought me to her office.  Just the facts yesterday.  I got the feeling that's how she started every single one of her new client relationships.  I'm looking forward to going back.  She was nice and I liked her.

At the end of our first visit - (and I thought to myself "here we go...The part where she tells me to just get out and take a walk or get plenty of sleep, eat better, read a book., etc and I'll feel better.....") - she gave me some "homework".  "Please don't tell me to exercise to feel better", I said.  "I won't do it just to spite us both!"  She laughed.  She knew that already, she said, and she knew better.  Her homework was for me to do something for myself every day.  Have a few minutes of "me time", she said.  She threw out a few suggestions - including a hot, soaking bath.  I promised I would do something everyday.  We made an appointment for next week and I left.

So I got up today rushing around to get ready for work and school - suddenly Matthew comes down with something I can only describe as some sort of dysentery.  It was bad.  Poor thing wasn't going to make it.  I called his doctor and checked in with my office.  He was down for the day, and I was going to be at home with my exploding baby.  And that's my life in a nut-shell.  Single mother-hood is just like that.  Hurry up - do it all by yourself - stay home from work because you have to - struggle to pay the bills - worry about how we're going to make it - get up the next day and start over.  And over.  And over.  It's hard.  It's really hard.  But that's not what this blog post is about.....

So a couple of hours ago I started thinking about the counselor and the "me time" thing I was supposed to do.  Bearing in mind that my meds had stopped working weeks ago and I've been tooling around in the pits of despair lately - where everything bothers me, hurts my feelings and causes me much pain and anxiety (a little dramatic - but still!) - I couldn't think of a single "Me Time" thing that seemed appealing. After too much time worrying about the me-time thing I had to do - I picked BATH.  Yes.  A nice, hot, soaking bath. - I would take advantage of my nice, remodeled bathroom and new bathtub here in my new little house.

I can't remember the last time I took an actual, relaxing bath.  All I usually get to do is jump in a quick shower - likely running late for something.  The last time I even sat down in a bath tub was 11 years ago while I was in labor.  But there's nothing - NOTHING - relaxing about a baby trying to pry your cervix open.  So that didn't count.  Excited about this new 'me time' thing - I turned on the hot, hot water and started to fill the tub.  Then in went my toe.  The water was hot - and that was great!  I got both feet in and started to sit down......

Now, I'm older - and, well, larger - than I was the last time I took a bath.  Once my knees bent into about the 'sitting in a chair' position - I really couldn't squat down much more.  So I ended up just sort of falling the rest of the way in.  BIG SPLASH!  But that's ok!  I was in my glorious, hot, steamy, relaxing, bubble-filled bath for my 'me time'!  I thought back, as a small child in our home I remember being able to swim around in the great big tub.  Not so much anymore.  My legs were so long that I couldn't stretch out - but I was able to lie back and put my feet up on the wall.  I put my hot, wet wash cloth on my head and let Calgon take me away!  It was beautiful!!  I was as relaxed as I've been in forever in my watery haven of peace!  I was in my happy place.  I soaked for what seemed like a lifetime - stress, worry, anxiety just washing away from my water-pruned skin.  I smiled, I stretched my arms up over my head, splashed my feet down into the tub and went to slide under the bubbles (just like Julia Roberts in the movie Pretty Woman).  But my butt stopped sliding when my feet wouldn't go over the non-slip tub mat.  I was suddenly crammed into the fetal position and jammed sideways in my tub.  I was trapped like a big, wet rat.  Luckily there were bubbles in the water so I was able to wriggle myself loose.  I got a leg free but I was in an awkward position.  Bearing in mind that 'moving around room' in a bathtub is a premium that us big girls can hardly afford - I figured I'd just get out and start over.  I threw my leg up and over the side and ended up hanging on to the side of the bathtub like a trick pony rider at the county fair, got a hand on the floor and dragged myself out to safety.  I was a little stunned at how quickly a mental paradise can end up with you butt naked on the bathroom floor.  I laughed a little.  Once I got myself back together I just drained the tub and finished up with a quick shower.

When I got out I looked down into the tub amazed at what all had just happened!  I could have died! But I didn't.  I could needed Matthew to call the fire department to come and rescue me!  But I didn't. 'Me Time' didn't kill me!  Humiliating and physically painful?  Sure.  But it didn't kill me!  And I smell fantastic!  So far cognitive therapy has been a huge success!  I can't wait to see what tomorrow's 'me time' brings. :)  Ultimately the moral of this story is this: If you're going under the bubbles ala Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman - remove the no-slip tub mat.

Sometimes Love In Action Looks Like Loaf Bread, Fire Trucks And Tuckaseege Bumper Stickers

Life is precious.  And it's sometimes insane.  I learned that tonight.  I need to talk about it.  And now that everyone's gone to bed I think I'll write about it.  To start with... I haven't written anything in this blog worth mentioning for the last 2 years. Before my mom got sick I wrote often - writing is my hobby and something I enjoy a great deal.  While she was sick I was just a giant ball of emotions and it would all come spilling out on the page.  After she died I wrote 4 or 5 pieces that were published in the papers.  Three months after her death I was so wracked with grief that I couldn't even hold my eyes open without pain.  I didn't feel like living - certainly didn't feel like writing.  The doctor said "there's a pill for that" and he put me on anti-depressant medication.  It must've done something for me - at least I stopped crying uncontrollably and I didn't throw up from stress headaches anymore.  But it sucked the emotions out of me.  My will to do much of anything was gone.  I made it through the days but that was it.  How boring a life to live if you can't feel it some kind of way.  Emotions are the stuff that makes it all interesting.  And without some sort of feelings - I didn't have much to write about at all.

A couple of months ago the doctor worked with me to finally ween me off the medicine.  Although I wouldn't know for sure, I'm thinking coming off of anti-depressant medication feels like kicking heroin.  Or maybe getting run over by a bus.  There's even a name for it, "Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome".  Yep.  I was ate up in some Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome and it was B-A-D.  Regardless.  I've endured the weeks of hellish, albeit gradual, withdrawal symptoms and I'm happy to say that I took my last 1/2 a pill last night.  And wouldn't you know it - opportunity for every emotion known to man presented itself to me tonight.  I have felt so many different kinds of ways tonight that I thought for a minute my head might explode.  But the thing I felt the most tonight was God.  I felt His loving mercies wrapped all around me so much so that the hairs stood up on the back of my neck.  I wanted to shout out to everyone, "DO YOU FEEL THAT?!  THAT'S GOD!!!"  

I didn't necessarily mean to get all personal.  I don't know who all reads my blog posts (it surprises me at times when I track my 'hits' and see that people all over the world read my blog.  It's not many people but they're certainly spread out.  Russia, Turkey, Australia, etc.)  So bear with me, my worldly, blog-reading brothers and sisters but I need to get even a little more personal tonight...........I need to speak to my church!

Anyone who knows me knows I love my church.  Tuckaseege Baptist Church, 511 Tuckaseege Road, Mt. Holly, North Carolina, USA.  We have this thing we do called "Love in Action".  The idea is to go out and show people the Love of Christ with our actions - by meeting their needs practically.  Whether it's a meal, a blanket or a ride to somewhere - someone from my church will make it happen for someone in need.  We take it very seriously too.  We have T-shirts that say "Love in Action", a facebook page dedicated to it - and a list of ministries that we partner with on a weekly basis - reaching outside of our church walls to lend a hand.  To be a hand - the Hands and Feet of Jesus.  We have this little thing we say a lot for social media posts saying "Sometimes Love in Action looks a lot like _______________".  Could be anything from changing a tire to watching someone's kids to scraping paint off an old picnic table.  We're not trying to show off, nobody's bragging or saying, "Hey!  Look at me helping someone!" We genuinely love on others because HE loves us. The T-shirts just make us sort of look like a team!

Our church is very good at reaching out to people on the streets, prisoners, shut ins, and hungry people.  It should have been no surprise to me that when I had a need it would be met.  It never occurred to me to ask the very "Love in Action" gang of church people that I'm apart of for help.  But I didn't.  My finances have been disastrous lately - I pray all the time about it saying things like "God, I know you parted the Red Sea for your servant Moses.  Could you possibly help me out with some rent money?"  The other day I was having a conversation with one of my friends from my Life Group (small group, community group, whatever you call yours). "Gas money or Power Bill" I joked as I pulled into the gas station.  "I guess my power will be cut off Monday."  I was laughing - but it was really no joke.  The power was due to be cut off several days before payday.  Without saying anything else about it - my friend had rallied the Life Group and paid my power bill by that night.  One of the girls even hacked into my account to find out how much I owed! (Crazy, stalker lifegroup friends!)  And that would have been more than enough.  But a few days later several of my life group ladies "blitzed" a grocery store and came to my house with many giant bags over flowing with food!!  How could they have known that my cabinet consisted of one can of enchilada sauce and some expired fruit cocktail?!  The Bible says in Luke 6:38, "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you".  Just a week earlier I had given away my last 6-pack of Ramen Noodles to a family that needed some assistance.  I will never take having food for granted again.  It's pretty much everywhere - until you don't have any and no money for any.  Then suddenly a loaf of bread that you didn't have to scrape up change for is like Manna from Heaven.  For me, it might as well have been Manna from Heaven.  It was a miracle - made possible by my church (the hands and feet of Jesus) who does what the Bible says in 1 John 3:18, "Let us not love with words but in actions and in truth".

And then tonight happened.  Tonight we were serving a meal and a sermon to the people at the Gastonia Street Ministries.  We've been going the 2nd Thursday of each month for the last couple of years.  We've nearly got it down to an art!  I don't want to say 'routine' - but it sort of just works out that way now. Tonight was all together different though.  We got a phone call during the meal service about an emergency back at the home of one of our team members.  And suddenly that little "Gang of Doers" sprang into action to rally around our Christian sister in her time of need.  By the time we rounded the corner of her street in our neighborhood, the road was lined with fire trucks and Tuckaseege bumper stickers.  The scene was bad.  It was.  But the first thing I spotted amid the flashing lights and chaos was love.  As a verb, love was spilling out all over the street in front of her home.  Before the first responders had even taken off their jackets - my church had my sweet friend taken care of.  All of our pastors were there - 2 of them even in super hero shirts (because they just both happened to be wearing super hero shirts today - it's how they roll).  Sunday school teachers, one of the firemen was a life-grouper, ex-veterinary technicians to take care of a pet bird, sisters from our prison ministry, our church brother Stephen Stephens (yes, that's really his name) who is just known for giving the BEST HUGS!  Within minutes she and her kids and her dog had a place to stay, new pajamas, any toothbrush, shampoo type thing they might need, breakfast lined up for morning and a solid plan to take care of that family for the next coming days.  Weeks, even.  As long as she needs help - the church is already planning to be there.  The Bible tells us that where ever two or more are gathered in Jesus name - the Holy Spirit is there as well.  He was there tonight - I felt Him.  Even in the face of this disaster - God was there.  And so was half the church and the entire Mt. Holly fire department - who saved the lives of two of her pets and saved her home from total destruction.

I guess at this point I'm rambling.  Perhaps that medication kept me from running on so much?!  I don't know.  But what a night to be un-medicated.  This blog post is likely not to get picked up by any publication - and that's fine.  At least I'm writing again.  I just wanted to tell you, dear reader, how awesome my church is.  But I don't think I can string the right words together to tell my church what they mean to me.  Thank you for the power bill.  Thank you for the groceries.  Thank you for loving people who live in the streets.  Thank you for encouraging me to love.  Thank you for showing our neighborhood tonight what a church is supposed to look like.  Thank you for accepting me - Antidepression Discontinuation Syndrome and all.  Thank you Stephen Stephens for the best hug I've ever had!  Thank you Jones Family for opening your home to our giant life group every week.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for loving my son.  Thank you for praying for us at every turn.  And thank you for being the good and faithful servants that you are.  Sometimes Love in Action looks like a random collection of people mixed together by God Himself to meet the practical needs of those in need.  It looks just like you, my beloved Tuckaseege.  Thank you for being Love in Action.