Feed My Sheep

Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away. ~ 1 Peter 5:2-4

I looked up the word "Pastor" today - both its definition and the origin of the word. According to Webster's Dictionary, "Pastor" is "a spiritual overseer; especially a clergyman serving a local church or parish. Well, who am I to argue with Merriam Webster?! It's a "just the facts, ma'am" description - but that's a 'pastor'.  A spiritual overseer. Ok then.

According to Wikipedia "pastor" is derived from the Latin word pascere, meaning fed or grazed. Jeremiah 23:4 says  "And I will set up shepherds over them which shall feed them: and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, neither shall they be lacking, saith the Lord." ... That feels a little closer.

The Bible tells us in Psalm 95:7 that “He is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care”. Jesus said in John 10:14 - “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me". And then we're told later in the Book of John, that the Resurrected Jesus told His Disciple Peter: "Peter, if you love me, feed my sheep". In other words - 'these are my people, Pastor. Take care of them as if they were your own - loving them, leading them by still waters, correcting their courses, tending to their wounds, guiding them to the green pastures where they can graze on the food of life. Rest them, care for them, go after them when they stray. And. Because you've taken on the role as "shepherd of the flock", Pastor, I'm going to hold you to a higher standard'. ... Now we're talking!

My Pastor is about as down-to-earth a guy as you'd ever want to meet. He's personable and friendly, and he's charmingly Southern. He's smart as a whip, steeped in knowledge of historical facts ... he could 'go there' with probably the most elite of Biblical scholars, religious teachers, etc., but when he's in the pulpit - he doesn't over complicate things. What's the point of preaching to someone if it's so complicated they give up before he gets to the 'good stuff'?!  I love this about him - he's honest, he laughs at himself, he wears jeans with holes in them sometimes, and he's well-versed in 80's music and pop culture. What's not to love? I've never met a person who ever had a bad thing to say about him. That says a lot about my pastor.

I started going to my church right when he came on board there as the lead pastor. I feel like he and I have been growing up together ever since. HE'S come a long way! But I've come a longer way still, following my pastor - as he follows the Good Shepherd, and obeying Him when He says "feed my sheep".

He's my example as I've watched him lay his fears at the foot of the cross. I've seen him on his knees at the altar and I've seen him crying in grief. He was raised by a single mom - I've found great comfort in this as a single mom myself. His mother is a source of hope for me. His father-in-law is my emergency contact, his wife is a light of Christian beauty and I've watched his kids grow up. I've seen him fight off the enemy, I've seen him tenderly embrace a grieving widow, feed homeless people, carry school supplies to poor children and I've seen him 'fist bump' the worship pastor, and high-five the youth.  I've seen him mad and I've seen him sad. I've seen him happy...

I've seen him broken...

I've seen him be manhandled...

I've seen him muddy...

Um - I've seen this...

He baptized me. He Baptized my son...

He spent time with me while my mother was in the hospital her final time - soothing my crushed soul and providing comfort to my worried mind.  He prayed over me and prayed for her. And when the time finally came, he prayed over her body as her soul entered the gates of Heaven. And then he loved on my family - as if they were just a part of the extended flock! As far as pastors go, I have to say I think he's one of the best!!  He means a great deal to me - and I have to believe that he's done countless good things for the other sheep in the fold. 

As far as the Merriam Webster definition of "pastor", I guess all the things he's done for me and the rest of us sheep - is really just "part of the job", along with sermon prep, weddings and funerals and other 'church related stuff'. I'm not trying to tell his business - but he does get paid!

But besides all the wonderful things he's done for me as a 'guy just doing his job', I wonder if he has any idea just how much the Holy Spirit uses him in my life?! Does he have any idea that he is a vessel, filled by God Himself and used to pour out His word into my heart? Does he even get it that when the Holy Spirit comes down on me in a way that I can't even describe - and is ushered straight into my soul - it comes right through him? I wonder how it feels to be a powerful tool in God's toolbox, or a weapon used to cut down the enemy on my behalf? Has it ever dawned on him that he's a mouthpiece? A microphone? A trumpet blasting into my ears the WORD of GOD?!! He has obeyed God - and taken on the job of feeding me the spiritual food that I need for sustenance. It's a big responsibility. Does he get the enormity of that?! I wonder if it ever occurred to him while on his knees in a trailer in Cullowhee, when He surrendered his life to Christ and ultimately accepted the call to pastor this church - what he was taking on when he opened up the pen and let me into the flock. 

Lately the Holy Spirit has been speaking so strongly to me through my pastor's sermons. And today, while feverishly jotting down more "nuggets" of Good News my God wanted me to hear, it washed over me that this guy is so humble, he just has no idea. Bless his heart! 

This is Easter weekend - and in 3 days my pastor has preached a 'homegoing' celebration for one of the dear sisters of the church, and preached a Good Friday service with Communion. Through his encouragement and his amplifying "love in action", he rallied an amazing team of church volunteers and a worship pastor (who must be the most organized person in history) to host a MASSIVE Easter Celebration and Egg Hunt on Saturday, the likes our town has never seen!! The numbers: 16,000 Easter Eggs stuffed with candy and goodies, 1000 pounds of Pork Barbecue, 500 Hotdogs, all the trimmings of a festival, and an estimated 3000 people from our community came and enjoyed - for free - what our little church put together! And then today - Sunrise Service, a 9am Service and 3 baptisms in our 11am Service.  And there he was in that 11am service - all unaware - that God was straight-up putting him to work as the special messenger delivering another package of truth and love into my heart. The Holy Spirit was on him, in him, all around him, using him - for me. I was compelled to come home from today's sermon and write about it. I wanted to let him know that I appreciate him - sure. But I also believe that God appreciates him too - and there is indeed a crown of glory on a shelf in Heaven - with his name on it. 

So God Bless my Pastor!  And if you're just a lost sheep wandering around out there - come to my pasture and my shepherd will let you in the gate.  

On This Date

On this date, six years ago an early spring had sprung. That particular morning was glorious! The sun was bright and the dew glistened brightly over the lush carpet of green grass. I remember the Bradford Pear trees being in full bloom while lining the quiet streets, and the Tulips and Daffodils were on full display. The air smelled like Rosemary. Just stepping outside that morning made my heart smile; as I was serenaded with precious songs sung by a sky full of happy-sounding birds. I remember the sleep in my eyes and the smell of my first cup of coffee. I had taken a few minutes to enjoy the morning, sitting in a garden swing with the warm sun shining fully on my face. I remember that day clearly – thinking it was going to be a beautiful day! And let’s face it – I don’t care where you’re from or where you’ve ever been, but you simply cannot beat springtime in the Carolinas!

There was a thing in the garden called a Prayer Labyrinth. It was a path made from beautifully crafted stepping stones – each different, full of brightly colored mosaics of glass, stones, ceramic tiles, pebbles and shells. The path didn’t lead to anywhere, just wound around in and out of itself in a giant circle. Standing on each stepping stone would conjure up some kind of thought – probably very personal for each person who’s ever stepped on one. And with each stepping stone I landed on, I prayed. With God’s artistry of nature on full display and well-lit by the beaming rays of the sun, I was walking with my Jesus right here on earth – ushered into His presence with each step that I took. The stones and shimmering glass were mesmerizing. My heart was experiencing the peace given to me by the Holy Spirit. He was there. He was all around and I could feel Him. The day was one you wished would never end, but the clock ticked, and the minutes of that day were passing in what seemed to be double time.

Just like a Carolina Springtime is like none other, they are also unpredictable! As spectacular a day as it started out to be, it wasn’t long before dark clouds started to roll into the blue skies. Rumbles of thunder were breaking the distant silence, slowly and barely audible at first. There was a storm coming. As it drew closer the skies grew darker still, the winds picked up and the louder claps of thunder rattled the windows. Lightning streaked across the grey skies. I pulled the blinds closed – it was a frightening storm and I didn’t want to see it. The wind-driven rain pounded against the glass, the cracking thunder and lightning flashes caused me to tremble. I knew we were safe, I felt protected but the storm was so bad. It was the worst storm I had seen in a while but right in the midst of that storm, the skies really did open up and the Angels in Heaven rejoiced!! And peace fell on me that only comes from Jehovah Shalom, the Prince of Peace. There was indeed a sweet, sweet spirit in the place – and I knew it was the Spirit of the Lord.

With Mother Nature keeping us forever on our toes that time of year, as quickly as that storm came up, it moved out just as fast. The rains died down and the winds calmed. Tears were rolling down my face as I sat in the silence of the moment and I was so grateful for the Amazing Grace afforded to us by God! I was dwelling in peace that surpasses all understanding. Despite the storm – the day was still beautiful and one to remember as one where sickness and pain ended and the old was made new again.

With the skies still dark from the swollen rain clouds, God decided to make Himself visible! Just like He promised He would in Genesis 9:13, He set his rainbow in the clouds. Rainbows broke out all over the Carolinas, from Lake Wylie to Raleigh, God’s prisms of hope stretched out in every direction!! And just so I wouldn’t miss them, my friends - knowing that I had a special thing for rainbows, were sending me pictures of the rainbows they were seeing all over the place!! It was a spectacular show of God’s beauty and if refracted sunlight could be love – then I was definitely being loved!!

Lake Wylie, March 24

Kannapolis, March 24

Albemarle, March 24

Mt. Holly, March 24

West Charlotte, March 24

Gastonia, March 24

Monroe, March 24

Lake Norman, March 24

 It was on this date 6 years ago that a local photographer happened to be in the perfect spot when the most awe-inspiring, massive, massive rainbow completely encircled the skyline of the city! Queen City Charlotte placed the magnificent crown of color atop her majestic head in her coronation, dazzling in the eyes of all her beholders! The photographer captured an image that spread all over social media – and by that evening the local weatherman featured the photo on the news.   (I have heard there is a very large print of that rainbow on the wall in the office of the weatherman.) I’ll never forget the day!

Charlotte, March 24

The dark clouds cleared away and the rain stopped. I went outside just to see if I could catch a glimpse of any rainbows myself. They were all gone. But I looked into the most beautiful sky of Carolina Blue that I had ever seen, filled with fluffy, crisp white clouds. The sun was setting and the glittering yellow rays of Old Sol gave way to fiery gold blazing through the trees on the horizon. The day was winding down – minutes ticking, ticking, ticking away on this date 6 years ago.  I was so tired but I was resting comfortably in the arms of the Holy Spirit. I finally prayed myself to sleep.

Huntersville, March 24

That night 6 years ago Matthew had spent the night with friends. The next morning I went to pick him up. And just like I remember well “on this date” 6 years ago today, 6 years ago tomorrow is also one I’ll never forget.  Matthew was happy to see me when I walked in – but his smile faded away. “You said you weren’t going to leave Nana while she was in the hospital”, he said. Concern spread over his face – I could see worry in his precious eyes.  And I knew that he knew.

“Well,” I said. “I need to…”

“Nana died, didn’t she?”, he interrupted me with tears spilling down his puffy cheeks.

I was crying too – I couldn’t really get any more words out. We sat down on a love seat in our friend’s sunroom. I hugged him as he cried for his beloved Nana. I didn’t say anything to him – it was just silent except for him snubbing into the armpit of my shirt. I didn’t know what to say at a time like that. It was the first time the boy had experienced loss and I didn’t want to do or say anything wrong – so I just didn’t say anything at all. I just waited on him to speak next.

He looked up at me. I was expecting him to ask me “where did she go” or “will he ever get to see her again” – you know, the stuff that kids ask at a time like this. But instead he asked me “When did she go?” I wasn’t exactly sure of the time  - and wasn’t exactly sure he even had a good concept of time? To me the question was weird.

Knowing those rainbows had covered the Carolinas the day before, I just took a chance hoping they also showed up in Belmont where he was staying… “Did you happen to see that big rainbow in the sky yesterday?” I asked him.

His eyes widened, “YES!” he responded.

“I was hoping you did”, I told him. “As soon as Nana got to Heaven she sent you that rainbow – just to let you know she got there ok.”

He smiled.  And then he questioned, “Why would she send ME a rainbow?”

I smiled back and said “Why would she send it to anyone else?!”

On this date – March 24, 2012 – God covered the sky with Becky’s Rainbow and I’ll never forget it!

Sunrise, March 25

Chapter: Thorn in my Flesh

2 Corinthians 12:6-10 says: "Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ~ The Apostle Paul. Mic Drop.

Before I get into this post, I must state this: I am in no way, shape or form even remotely trying to compare myself to the Apostle Paul! I mean - this guy wrote 1/2 the New Testament! He was, well, PAUL. The only thing we have in common is, we both tend to express ourselves through writing and we're both sinners - saved by the Grace. And that's about it. Oh. And that whole "thorn in the flesh" thing.

I have battled my weight my whole life. Even when I was skinny I still felt like the biggest girl in the room - and I hated it. "Hate" isn't really strong enough a word for how I felt. I had a deep-seeded revulsion for what I saw in the mirror. And well, it wasn't long before I hated myself for it. I'm not sure where body image perception comes from. I'm no psychologist. All I know is that when I was old enough to even know what "fat" was - I felt like I was it. By the time I was a teenager - without having an official diagnoses - I very definitely had an eating disorder. (I've "googled" the symptoms and low-and-behold, there I am!)

Over the years my battle of the budge has had me trying every infomercial product, reading every women's magazine article and every diet product sales pitch had me hook, line and sinker. I've read every book, I've tried every kind of diet from Adkins to the Master Cleanse. I've attended Over-eaters Anonymous, considered surgery - and would have done it if I had the money, gone to medical weight loss centers, put magnets in my shoes and starved myself. I've vomited, taken laxatives and I've exercised myself nearly into heart failure. I've swallowed vinegar before every meal, I've taken fat blockers and I've lived on speed and diet pills and even cocaine until I worried that my heart would stop. I've taken water pills until my muscles cramped. I woke up EVERY SINGLE MORNING and started a diet only to fail miserably by lunchtime. I've been sick with envy of the thin people of the world, I've beaten myself to a pulp with guilt and self-loathing and I stopped looking at myself in the mirror. I have blamed everything there was to blame for being fat for 30+ years and I had all but given up. I finally just resorted to praying for a miracle. "Jesus, please just help me be less fat." I have actually prayed the words - just like Paul - "Lord, take this thorn from me", thinking it would give me a "I know the Word" edge. Nothing. Still fat. And getting fatter by the minute.  And then wondering "What the heck, God? Answer my prayer already". (I don't even feel right saying that!) I gained up to 315 pounds and was ultimately diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.

I've said it before - but just to be clear - I think that ultimately God did indeed answer my prayer to help me lose weight with a diagnoses of diabetes. There's no doubt that I've lost a good amount of weight in a fairly short time - and it hasn't even really been that hard! Because I was afraid of the potentially deadly disease, I finally climbed off the couch and back to the battlefield to go to war with my out-of-control weight. Funny how the fear of death will give you a little needed motivation! Other than that (and let's face it, that's a pretty big one!) but other than that - the only difference this time around, and something I can attribute some of my success to, is Social Media. I just decided - almost on a whim - to post everything on Facebook. I figured if anyone "out there" was reading about my progress - then I was being 'watched' and had to mind myself! Turns out a lot of people started watching!

Over the course of the last 10 weeks, many good things have happened so far. 40.4 pounds (as I write this) of weight loss, 40 inches from various combined spots, 3 pants sizes, even a shoe size. I've gone from actually struggling to stand up from the couch to going 30 minutes on the Elliptical Machine at the gym. Best of all is that I was able to get my Glucose Level into the normal range in 4 days, without medication! My A1C went from 10 to 6.2 and my doctor said I was no longer considered diabetic! Health back in order? Check. I could have stopped right then! But the people were watching. And now seemed to be pulling for me. I really couldn't stop. Understand this - I HATE BEING FAT. I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING FAT. I ALWAYS HAVE. AND THE HATE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE. But now all of a sudden I find myself putting the thing I hate the most out there for all to see - "fat pictures", my actual weight, my pants size, what I eat in a day, how I nearly died riding the elliptical machine at the gym. What the heck?! But I can't stop now. To stop now feels like I'd be letting someone down! (Nevermind letting myself down - what if a Facebook friend is on the edge of their seat waiting on my next weight check in?!!) I swear dieting is SO MENTAL!

Funny how God can work in your life. I really don't believe in "coincidences" - I believe that God is in charge of everything that happens. If it's something that leaves you scratching your head, I think it's God revealing Himself in the things around you! So, by design I believe, at the same time my Pastor started a new sermon series, people started noticing this "weight loss journey" of mine. Many people started offering "thumbs up" and awesome words of encouragement. Which is great for motivation! But also people started contacting me privately, wanting information on the diet I was on or just to share their own struggles. People started to call me an "inspiration". What in the world!! 4 months ago I got on the floor to spread out a skirt under my Christmas Tree and I swear I could not get up. I was thinking about that poor gal on the Life-Alert commercials who, you know, fell and couldn't get up and I didn't want to have to call the fire department. I crawled my way over to some sturdy furniture and climbed up it enough to plop down in the chair. How humiliating. (and I hated myself for such a thing). But now I've inspired someone! People are listening to me - of all people - as some kind of diet person! And let me say this as loudly as I can ... TO GOD BE THE GLORY! I cannot tell you how happy I am that 2 different people have told me they too have lost weight - and thanked me for the nudge to get off their own couches. I've shared my diet with many people and I'm actually going to have a lady over to the house to teach her the plan. These things make me excited to talk about weight loss - and you can't really talk about "weight loss" without talking about weight gain. Being "fat" is an "opportunity" to lose weight, get healthy, talk about it, make friends, inspire someone, and Glorify God!  WHO KNEW?! Certainly not me - until today's sermon - that talked about Paul and his thorn. Perfect timing!!  Coincidence? I think not.

Last week I wrote about my "diet testimony" being forever intertwined with my "Christian testimony". Last week that was 'fine with me'. You know - everybody's got their story. But today I was reminded that His grace was sufficient for me and His power was made perfect in weakness. My weakness. My thorn!! Being fat wasn't exactly the 'blessing' I was looking for - but all of a sudden I was thankful just the same! I have a thing I can pin-point as my weakness and I can see as clearly as I'm sitting here God working through it!  My thorn is a visual one (it weighs about 100 pounds right now!) but if I could quote my pastor Jason Marlowe, this thorn - my weakness - is a "platform for God's awesome power to be displayed"!!  I feel like I've been chosen for something great! I'm actually, honestly excited to be the biggest girl in the room!! Who knows how many people might listen to my testimony because of my weight problem?! And then they could see clearly the hand of God working through me! What a testimony!! I mean think about this - if I wasn't ever fat or never ate my way to diabetes what would I even talk about?! Once being 315 pounds gives my weight loss some weight! And I swear this revelation just came over me during a 30 minute sermon this morning.

I've been absolutely beside myself with gratitude today. An in-your-face encounter with the Holy Spirit has a way of doing that!! I'm grateful for my spiritual gift  - the gift of encouragement - and my opportunity to use it through my "thorn". I am humbled to the core that God chose me for this mission and sorry that I didn't embrace it sooner. I am confident that if I include God in every aspect of this attempt to finally get healthy once and for all, I simply will not fail. Because even when I'm at my very weakest - His power is strongest. What's your thorn? Whatever it may be - let God work through it! Be confident in His perfect plan for your life - and let His power be made perfect in your weakness!

Chapter Two ~ Diabetes to Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28.

Romans 8:28 is my all time favorite Bible verse. I found it - or it found me - six years ago in a time and place of great sorrow in my life.  My mom had just died, leaving me as the last one alive from the "Bishop, Party of Four". I was overcome with grief - at the loss of my mom, but also my Bishop Family, our home, life as I knew it, even dishes and furniture and stuff that I couldn't keep.  I had never felt so lost in my life.  Thankfully, I had a couple of things going for me at that time - a doctor who insisted I get on some anti-depressants, and a church family who surrounded me with love and support. I'm sure it had to be one of my church brothers or sisters who introduced me to Romans 8:28, probably as an exclamation point to a pep talk or an attempt to help me feel better. Whatever way the verse came into my life - I have hung onto it with both hands, sometimes while "white-knuckling" through some hardship, a test, or some unexplained happening. It's been my "go to verse" for everything from that debilitating grief to a broken toenail to everything in between.

A few years ago I decided to get that entire Bible Verse tattooed down my back. I felt like it was a permanent declaration that yes, I believe in this! I staked the claim that this is my Word from God - that no matter how bad a thing I faced, He was using it for the good - for me (because I love Him and I've been called according to His purpose!) I'm not sure why I put it down my back - where I can't readily see it. I should have put it in the palm of my empty hand so I could close my fingers around it and cling to the blessing it really is ~ God's promise of good things to come even in the midst of something bad.

Now, as sure as I am of this verse right this minute - remembering it in the middle of a storm is still sometimes difficult. It's in my heart, I believe it to be the Word of God and therefore true, but knowing it and living  it out daily takes work! Sometimes the wheels of life take you so far off course it doesn't even dawn on you that something is going on in your world that even constitutes an "all things" that will eventually be used for the "good of those who love Him...".

And then, there was last summer. Last summer crept up on me in a bad way. I can't explain it - other than it seemed to suck, like a perfect storm of suck-ery. I was struggling financially, spiritually I was as far as I'd ever been from God, mentally off-kilter with rapid occurrences of my depression episodes, and physically I felt worse than I ever had. My energy was low, my joints ached, I was having hot flashes and night sweats, even my vision was bad - and getting worse by the day. But even worse than all of that (and all that was bad), I had a massive spike in my weight! OH GAWD NO!!  ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!  I would honestly rather take a beating than gain another pound. The more fat I became the less good about myself I felt. The eating disorder runs deep with this one...

At that time, I'd been overweight for a while - but I was holding steady at the same weight. Suddenly I was packing on pounds out of nowhere, gaining it mostly in my stomach. I grew out of all of my "fat clothes".  It's a bad day when your fattest, fat clothes don't fit you anymore. Romans 8:28 - sure - but I felt like Lieutenant Dan on top of Forrest Gump's shrimpin' boat screaming at God to gimmie some more! (Don't ever do that, by the way, because He can and He will...). I made a doctor's appointment for blood work, thinking I was going through menopause. I was actually pulling for a rip-roaring hormonal imbalance to explain all of this - and something to 'fix'. Once there, the scales killed whatever "umpf" I might have had left - checking in at 315 pounds. I didn't just cross that 300 pound threshold, I kicked that door down with my fat, bloated foot. It was devastating, a 40 pound weight gain out of nowhere and my doctor used the words "morbidly obese" to describe me. I felt so horrible I just wanted Jesus to make like the Price is Right and come on down - I was done. I just wanted to crawl my fat behind up into bed and die. It. Was. That. Bad.

I have had weight demons my whole life. Even when I was skinny I thought I was fat. I could write a whole book about my eating disorder, love/hate relationship with food, body image, obsession with scales and weight and clothes. But I hadn't 'practiced' my disorder in years. In my depressed state - I had pretty much resigned myself to being fat. I didn't care and didn't see any reason to try to fix it. I was just going to be fat and hate myself for it. The only effort I put into any weight loss was praying for God to help me not be fat.  I prayed that every day, I'm sure. Twice on Sundays. And He's answered my prayers by giving me every thing I've ever needed to get healthy - smarts to understand nutrition, legs to walk, stubborn willpower, money for groceries, cheap gym memberships, even a rambunctious dog that needed to be walked often. But I guess instead of realizing any of that - I had gotten to the point that I just wanted to wallow around in my morbid obesity and hope He'd remove the fat from me.

Enter the Holy Spirit...

Romans 8:26 says ".... the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans". When the doctor's office gave me the results of my blood work, diabetes was the LAST thing I expected. But in hindsight it makes perfect sense. It never dawned on me to pray for diabetes, but my prayer of "help me not be fat" was answered with that life-altering diagnoses.

Believe me, I'm not minimizing diabetes. And I'm certainly not suggesting everyone with it just go around happy about it, thumbing their noses at their meds expecting a low-carb miracle! But I am asking you to consider your own life-altering diagnoses, whatever it may be, as an "all thing" that God is using for your good. He didn't do this to me - He's doing it through me to glorify Him. My hope in Him grows more evident with each pound I shed, with every smaller pair of pants I get into, and with every normal glucose reading I measure. It certainly looks like my Christian testimony and my weight loss testimony will forever be intertwined - making even the thing I HATE worse than anything in this whole world - being fat - an "all thing". (See what He did there?!) #whatdiabetes