Matthew and I Ride The Nighthawk - A True Story, 2011

Someone said to me today ... everything you write makes me cry! I guess that's true. I love my tear-jerkers. Sometimes I even make my own self cry writing them! But I'm just emotional that way. Anyway, I wrote this thing a couple of years ago... It's a true story about the first time I rode a pretty scary roller coaster at Carowinds Amusement Park. Not a sad story at all and you won't cry - unless you feel really sorry for me! Written in the Spring of 2011 - it's called Matthew and I ride the Nighthawk.

This year Matthew is just tall enough to ride everything in our local amusement park. Up until now our thrill rides have been minimal (which has been ok with me!) but this year I’ve had to muster up enough nerve to ride it all! I rode the roller coaster called the Night Hawk (used to be the Borg Assimilator… don’t know if you’re familiar) for the first time ever. And I thought for sure I was going to DIE! We had to stand in line for a while – all the while getting more and more anxious. It’s painted all cheery blue and yellow but despite its happy colors the thing just looks so ominous, twisted and just scary. So we finally made it to the top of the stairs and into the train station. The butterflies in my stomach had become full-on nausea. I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it. My knees were shaking as I asked Matthew “are you sure you wanna do this, son?” Well of course he did. When he grew an inch over the winter time he must’ve also grown fearless. He couldn’t equate a fun amusement park ride with plunging to your death like I could! He was just excited! And I, being the good mother I am, was not going to drag him off the thing kicking and screaming in front of all the other riders so we entered the line queue and finally boarded the ‘train’.

It starts off ok, you just sit down in the thing and you get into the seatbelts – sort of like a 5 point racing harness. And then they come around and lower this bar thing down – one part across your waist and another part over like your shins – sort of locking you into the seat. But then the thing starts to move and suddenly you’re lying flat on your back. Imagine being tied to a chair and then the whole chair tips over and you’re on your back – that’s how you’re supposed to ride this thing. Reality hit me – we were moving and I forgot to pee. It was going to be a miracle if I got through this thing and stayed dry! OH MY LORD WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I’ve strapped myself and my precious baby into this killing machine and we were slowly making our way to the top of the hill. Of course lying flat on your back and going up the hill head first – you couldn’t see a thing but the blazing sun in your eyes. I had no idea when we might reach the top. So I took that time to figure out how I was going to hold on. I liked holding the bar across my waist – but then I wondered if that would be enough of a thing to hold. Then I crossed my arms over my chest and thought I’d hold onto the harnesses – but that didn’t seem “handle-ish” enough. I had just enough time to get my hands back down to the bar over my waist as I felt myself becoming head-down and tipping over. We were at the top – and there was no turning back.

We were still on our backs as we started going down. And for a split second there I thought “Ok, this isn’t so bad, I can probably do this”. But then as soon as the ‘train’ cleared the hill suddenly the thing flipped over. Now this whole time my back had been pressed firmly into the seat. I had the bars on me and the 5-point racing harness all over me and I thought I was in that seat as much as one could be in a seat. But when the thing turned upside down my back came off the seat probably no more than an inch or two. In the time it took me to spill off my seat and into my harness 2 inches away was probably a millisecond – but that was plenty enough time to think I was plunging to my death. I pried my fingers from the lap bar and squeezed my arms across the straps of my harness but that didn’t help. I was dangling in a contraption that had me putting my entire life in the hands of probably whoever bid the lowest to build the thing. At first my eyes were open and as I looked down I could see the tiny people standing safely on the ground. I took comfort in a net that was directly below us between me and the people (mostly for catching change, hats, anything not bolted down) but a second later even the ‘safety’ net was gone as we hurled down the hill – head first and facing the ground. What kind of twisted freak comes up with this sort of stuff?! My hands frantically back and forth from the lap bar to the harness, finally settling on one hand on the bar and one arm squeezing myself across the harness. Ultimately no way was a good way to hold on as the only comfort I was going to have was either when I died and found myself in Heaven or somebody got me off the thing.

So, down the hill we went – my eyes firmly shut. We “flew” over water (although I didn’t really know it because by then I wasn’t looking!) then we were flung into the air and mercifully back on our backs momentarily. It was but a passing moment as the thing flipped over again, the falling out feeling happened again, and we were flying again. Surely the ride was about to come to a stop? It had been going for what felt like an hour. Turns out the sadistic creator of The Night Hawk saved the ‘best’ for last as we came up on the corkscrew turns. On my back. Spilling out. On my back. Spilling out. Oh God, I cried! “Make it stop!” And mercifully, my savior heard my plea. The best thing I ever saw was the roof of that train station.

The ride was over and I had lived through it. OH! MATTHEW! I nearly forgot about him! The best I could hope for was that he was alive. I didn’t see him spill out on that first flip before I closed my eyes, so I felt certain he was at least still strapped into the thing. “Matthew?” I asked. “Are you ok?” I figured he’d be crying and ready to leave the park. I assumed we’d be working this one out in therapy at some point down the road – you know, the whole “my mom forced me to ride the Nighthawk and I’ve never been the same since therapy session”. “THAT WAS GREAT!!” He exclaimed! “WHOO!” I was happy to hear his voice. I was glad to know that his tiny little body didn’t work itself out of the restraints and onto pavement somewhere but I couldn’t believe that child had just ridden the same thing I had. Clearly, he’s got some sort of issue that blocks him from seeing the danger in things. I’m going to have to keep a better eye on him!

So, we made it back into the station, they raised our seats up, unbuckled us and we were free to go. I was happy to be back on the ground and I was happy that my bladder had held up under the circumstances. A lesser bladder would have given up at the first sign of spilling out of the thing! I was happy. Happy and dry and shaking. I had to sit down. I stumbled my way over to the first place to sit. I sat there trembling and sort of dazed. Blinking a few times and swallowing. I stared at the blue and yellow menace in front of me and I couldn’t believe I just allowed my precious son to be a victim of it. Matthew, meanwhile, was all jacked up and ready to go ride some more very scary things! “COME ON MOM!” he pleaded! “LET’S GOOO!!!” I answered his requests with “that was the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life”. “I loved it!” he reminded me! “Didn’t you love it mom?” “No son, no I didn’t. I thought I was going to die” I quietly answered back. And my son, bless his heart – I know he loves me but I’m not so sure I’ll ever be able to count on him for any sort of comfort or understanding in a future time of need, says “Mom. You’re wrecking all my joy”. And then he was mad at me until I regained myself enough to walk over to the next thrill ride and start that process all over again!

I Got Baptised Today!

So, I was sitting in the church service this morning, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I jumped up from my pew and got myself baptised. I'll admit it wasn't the first time something like this has happened. But I'm certain it was the first time it happened directly after being overcome by the Holy Spirit!!

The first time I was baptised I was 15 years old. I was a sophmore at a small Christian School and we were on a beach trip that Spring. During one of the nightly times of fellowship Pastor Ray did the altar call. I remember becoming emotional and right there in front of all my teenaged friends I "accepted Christ as my Savior". Nothing was stopping me from getting baptised - there wasn't even time to think about it. Pastor Ray and I walked down into the ocean water, illuminated by an amazingly bright, full moon and he sent me under the waves. When I came up ... the only way I can describe how I felt was ... "Wet". And that was all. And then I went on about my business, living my life in a way that definitely did not reflect a "new creation" in Christ. Not that there was ever actual salvation as a result of going under the water - but even in its symbolism, I never felt like that one 'stuck' or even counted.

Fast-forward 25 or so years. There's been a lot of crazy-living between that spur-of-the-moment dunking and this day but I survived despite myself! It took awhile but I found my way to a Baptist church that I fit right into. I joined a Sunday School Class, became a member of the church, became an alto in the choir and started volunteering for our local mission projects. And of course, like any good Baptist would, I learned how to make an assortment of casseroles and crock pot food. For the most part - if the doors were open I was there. If there was a function - I didn't miss it. I knew Christ as my Savior and my Christianity was maturing by the day. I was finally living the life that more reflected Christ in me. The only thing I was disappointed about was that my Baptism had already been done - and it didn't mean anything to me then as it surely would now. I thought about it and thought about it over the last couple of years. I almost did it when my son was baptised but figured it was his day and I had already had my turn.

Our church recently went through a major renovation. We had to move out of there and meet somewhere else for 6 weeks. Over that six weeks time 10 different people had accepted Christ and decided to be baptised! So today was the day! The church was packed and you could feel that something special was coming up. The pastor walked down into the water and one after another our Christian brothers and sisters were symbolically washing their sins away in the beautifully renovated baptismal. A few teenagers, my friend's little boy, a lady from my Sunday School class and finally the little son of our Worship Pastor and the Pastor's little girl. It was so emotional and exciting that I'm sure no one in the building had a dry eye. It was beautiful and an awesome way to start the new year and in our beautiful new sanctuary!

It could have been over right then and we all could have walked away feeling happy and blessed for being a witness to a great morning. But then the pastor started bringing his message. He talked, I smiled, laughed, listened to him closely and I heard him loud and clear. It started to become apparent to me that I wasn't hearing what Pastor Jason would have me hear but what the Holy Spirit was pressing into me. At first he said "The water is still warm and I'll go right back up there if you need to go!" And then he said "Maybe you were young when you were baptised before and a lot has happened between then and now. Maybe you want to recommit yourself. The water is still in there!" He explained the act of baptism and why it was important. I put my hand up to my heart, I was breathing heavily and I was all but overcome with emotion. He recited Acts 8:36 saying, "And as they were going along the road they came to some water, and the eunuch said, “See, here is water! What prevents me from being baptized?” Then he said "NOTHING!" I believe he reiterated one more time that the water was still in there. My friend Jodi turned and looked at me, I said "I'm going" and she jumped up, grabbed my hands and said "OK!"

By then the Holy Spirit had completely consummed me. I was shaking uncontrollably, my teeth even chattered. I practically floated up the stairs to the next floor, kicked off my shoes and stood at the top of the stairs leading down into the cleansing water that awaited me. I stood in the stairway, raised my hands and praised God for convicting me in such away. He made it perfectly clear that I had to get in that water. That old me had to die under that water and I wasn't leaving that building without getting wet! Pastor Jason made his way back into the baptismal and called me down the stairs. I walked into the pool, church clothes and all. I felt every inch of the cool water as it raised higher and higher on me. It was as supernatural as it could be, feeling years of sin floating away from my body. I might as well have been in the middle of the River Jordan with John the Baptist himself. I was transported to a place that I've never been and my decision to be there wasn't mine at all. My actions this day were driven by my love for my precious Savior and the Holy Spirit convinced me to act on that love. Amazing Love was pounding in my chest and my whole body trembled. The pastor covered my face with a cloth, I held my breath and I was plunged under the water. It felt like slow motion and I could literally see sin, despair, grief, anxiety, worry, fear and eternal damnation peel off of me, layer by layer, and fall to the bottom of the pool. Pastor raised me up and I was washed clean!! Not just "all wet" but cleansed, renewed, Born Again! I finally felt like that "new creation" that I had been told I was. I've had a strange feeling on my skin all day, like the feeling you have when you get out of a really hot shower. And I'm exhausted. You don't encounter the Holy Spirit and walk away feeling no different.

This day was perfect. Any day that you hear God speaking to you is a great day!! I love my church, the people and the pastors. I love our mission for God's church to Go and Tell and Love others in our Actions. Pastor probably doesn't even realize how much I depend on his shepherding and his teaching. God does know though - and it was God who directed my path to take me through the doors of TBC. He knew this day was coming! It has always been God's intention to baptise me there, on this day and in front of those people. Praise God for his perfect plan! And praise Him for his cleansing power! I am redeemed - I've been redeemed for a long time. But today everyone else knows it too!

Happy New Year From Heaven!

Happy New Year from Heaven! I wanted to take a minute to stop by and say Hi! Things are great here – and how couldn’t they be?! You just can’t imagine how beautiful a place it is. I remember before taking my trip into eternity, I used to think about what Heaven would be like. And although I figured it was pretty amazing, I really had no idea! The awesome wonder of this place is more than I can put words too. I can’t wait for you to see for yourself the glorious splendor. That reminds me … If you don’t know the Way to get here, please get someone to introduce you to Jesus! Jesus said “I am the Way”! You can’t get here without Him. If you seek Him you will find Him. Read John 14 in your Bible. It’s almost like a map. Jesus is the Way. It’s true! I’ve seen Him for myself. And I can’t wait to see your faces when you see His face in person!

Speaking of Jesus, Heaven pales, simply pales in comparison to the shining Glory of my precious Lord, Jesus Christ! I know that you were sad when I left the earth but the day I met my sweet Jesus face to face can only be described as uncontainable elation. A euphoric joy unobtainable in our earthly state! I ran to Him as he called me into His presence and I threw myself face down on His feet. He was glowing and so beautiful, I felt too unworthy to even look at him. I hid my face. But He lifted me up into his robe-draped arms, turned my face to His and whispered, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant.” The angels shouted Hosannas in the highest! There was music and dancing and unending worship and praise. My cancer-ravaged body was gone and I was refreshed and renewed, dressed in fine linens and welcomed by bands of angels everywhere! What a glorious day it was! I hated to leave you all behind – but I promise when you get here you’ll understand! I sent you a rainbow to let you know I arrived ok. Did you see it?

One of the angels took me by the hand and led me into a room filled with treasures beyond your mind’s comprehension. In the middle of the room there was a table draped in purple silk and covered in crowns. They dazzled in the light of the Precious Lamb, finely crafted in casts of platinum, gold and covered in diamonds, rubies, emeralds and every kind of precious stone. They were more than priceless, I’m sure! I’m not bragging but they were all for me! I remembered hearing something about these crowns – sort of rewards for doing Jesus’ work on Earth. It was a nice gesture, it really was! But even those crowns and their astounding richness were mere trinkets compared to the Glory of the Most High God! I took those crowns and threw them at Jesus’ feet! I haven’t had that much fun in years! He laughed and He was pleased with me while I danced and shouted praises to His Name. The crowns crashed onto the floor, broke into pieces, sending shards of diamonds, precious stones and sparkling slivers of gold bouncing all around his Holy Feet. It was a priceless dust trail, dragged all the way to the throne by the hem of His robe. I’d never imagined such a sight, such a precious sight!

When I turned to leave His presence I was suddenly staring into the face of my beloved son Devan! How I had longed to hold my baby again! I fell into his embrace, kissed his face all over and held onto him for what felt like forever. My baby – so healthy and well in his restored body! And of course as handsome as he ever was. He was so very happy to see me too. He said they’d all been expecting me and had set a place at the table. They had fixed a heavenly meal for my arrival! I couldn’t wait to see everyone! Johnny walked up and took me by my hands. “It’s about time you got here!” He said! “Did you get lost on the way?!” You know Johnny, always the kidder! It was so great to be in the arms of my family again! We walked down the streets of gold together, holding hands and catching up with each other. They walked me home. Everyone was there! I was with my mom and dad, grandparents, sisters, friends and so much family!! All of these beautiful people that I had grieved so hard over were here and had come together just to welcome me! What a celebration!! Just so you know … I’ll be here for you when you make your own journey. It’s just how we do things here!

I know that my leaving has been very hard on some of you. Believe me, I miss you too. I’m not sad at all because we don’t hurt up here but I’m very much looking forward to seeing you as soon as you can get here! To my sweet grandchildren and great-grandchildren, please know that even though I’m not there in the physical world, I’m very much there in your hearts! I know when you talk to me and I’m watching you grow into the fine young men and women that you all have become! I’m still very much a doting grandmother and not a day goes by that I don’t nudge someone, point down to the earth where you are and say, “That’s my grandkid!” Laicee and Carl – what amazing parents you both are and raising precious, precious babies! Now if Heidi and Jason will just bring a few kids into the world it would make my heart proud! Your father says the same thing! He also thinks that one of you should name a baby “Great Dev-eny”? He sends his love, by the way and wants you to know that he’s fine and will see you when you get here.

Sweet Matthew, Nana loves you very much – please don’t cry for me anymore. I saw you when you were baptized. I want you to know that the angels sang when you came up from the water! Don’t you worry yourself about this anymore. Jesus knows your heart and he’s written your name in the Book of Life. Please believe that I’ll see you again – just not one minute before it’s time. Be a good boy for your mom and help her. I know how she’s struggled.

My darling daughter Jonna … I love you Toot. And I’m sorry that I had to leave you when I did. My body couldn’t take another breath. If you saw where I was you wouldn’t cry another teardrop for me. I’m in beautiful Heaven with all the family! You always cared about my happiness – and I’m so happy now. I love you so much! I’ve seen the way you’ve grieved for me, longed for me and cried yourself to sleep some nights. I promise you will see me again – you can believe it because you know the Way. So dry your eyes my precious baby girl and start living a good and purpose-filled life again! Serve others with a joyful heart and make sure that everything you do you do it for the Glory of the Lord. Now that I’m here I have seen the plans that He has for you. It’s more than you could ever dream of! There’s a reason you’re the last one. I can’t tell you now but it’ll all make sense one day, I promise. Raise your son to love God, be a good servant for Jesus and a light in the World. He’s going to be something grand someday – and he needs YOU there to guide him along the way. Just put every ounce of your faith and trust in Jesus and everything will be fine. I’m not there to help you anymore – but Jesus is. Don’t worry. And please, stop crying for me. Back in the Hospice House I heard you tell me it was ok for me to go. And now I’m telling you that it’s ok to stay! We’ll set a place for you at the table when it’s your time but until then enjoy your life on earth and make sure you tell people about Jesus!

It’s time for me to go now. Everyone sends their love. Have a safe and happy new year my Facebook friends and family! Treat people with kindness and mercy. Forgive people because you’ve been forgiven and love each other as yourself. You don’t have much time there on earth so make the best of it. And no matter what – always remember that Jesus loves you! Make sure you tell any lost soul that He loves them too!
Until we meet again,
Becky

PS – Toot, your daddy sends his love and says to look for the flowers we’ll be sending to you in the spring. He also wanted me to tell you that you and he were right! Elvis Presley did make it up here!