This year Matthew is just tall enough to ride everything in our local amusement park. Up until now our thrill rides have been minimal (which has been ok with me!) but this year I’ve had to muster up enough nerve to ride it all! I rode the roller coaster called the Night Hawk (used to be the Borg Assimilator… don’t know if you’re familiar) for the first time ever. And I thought for sure I was going to DIE! We had to stand in line for a while – all the while getting more and more anxious. It’s painted all cheery blue and yellow but despite its happy colors the thing just looks so ominous, twisted and just scary. So we finally made it to the top of the stairs and into the train station. The butterflies in my stomach had become full-on nausea. I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it. My knees were shaking as I asked Matthew “are you sure you wanna do this, son?” Well of course he did. When he grew an inch over the winter time he must’ve also grown fearless. He couldn’t equate a fun amusement park ride with plunging to your death like I could! He was just excited! And I, being the good mother I am, was not going to drag him off the thing kicking and screaming in front of all the other riders so we entered the line queue and finally boarded the ‘train’.
It starts off ok, you just sit down in the thing and you get into the seatbelts – sort of like a 5 point racing harness. And then they come around and lower this bar thing down – one part across your waist and another part over like your shins – sort of locking you into the seat. But then the thing starts to move and suddenly you’re lying flat on your back. Imagine being tied to a chair and then the whole chair tips over and you’re on your back – that’s how you’re supposed to ride this thing. Reality hit me – we were moving and I forgot to pee. It was going to be a miracle if I got through this thing and stayed dry! OH MY LORD WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I’ve strapped myself and my precious baby into this killing machine and we were slowly making our way to the top of the hill. Of course lying flat on your back and going up the hill head first – you couldn’t see a thing but the blazing sun in your eyes. I had no idea when we might reach the top. So I took that time to figure out how I was going to hold on. I liked holding the bar across my waist – but then I wondered if that would be enough of a thing to hold. Then I crossed my arms over my chest and thought I’d hold onto the harnesses – but that didn’t seem “handle-ish” enough. I had just enough time to get my hands back down to the bar over my waist as I felt myself becoming head-down and tipping over. We were at the top – and there was no turning back.
We were still on our backs as we started going down. And for a split second there I thought “Ok, this isn’t so bad, I can probably do this”. But then as soon as the ‘train’ cleared the hill suddenly the thing flipped over. Now this whole time my back had been pressed firmly into the seat. I had the bars on me and the 5-point racing harness all over me and I thought I was in that seat as much as one could be in a seat. But when the thing turned upside down my back came off the seat probably no more than an inch or two. In the time it took me to spill off my seat and into my harness 2 inches away was probably a millisecond – but that was plenty enough time to think I was plunging to my death. I pried my fingers from the lap bar and squeezed my arms across the straps of my harness but that didn’t help. I was dangling in a contraption that had me putting my entire life in the hands of probably whoever bid the lowest to build the thing. At first my eyes were open and as I looked down I could see the tiny people standing safely on the ground. I took comfort in a net that was directly below us between me and the people (mostly for catching change, hats, anything not bolted down) but a second later even the ‘safety’ net was gone as we hurled down the hill – head first and facing the ground. What kind of twisted freak comes up with this sort of stuff?! My hands frantically back and forth from the lap bar to the harness, finally settling on one hand on the bar and one arm squeezing myself across the harness. Ultimately no way was a good way to hold on as the only comfort I was going to have was either when I died and found myself in Heaven or somebody got me off the thing.
So, down the hill we went – my eyes firmly shut. We “flew” over water (although I didn’t really know it because by then I wasn’t looking!) then we were flung into the air and mercifully back on our backs momentarily. It was but a passing moment as the thing flipped over again, the falling out feeling happened again, and we were flying again. Surely the ride was about to come to a stop? It had been going for what felt like an hour. Turns out the sadistic creator of The Night Hawk saved the ‘best’ for last as we came up on the corkscrew turns. On my back. Spilling out. On my back. Spilling out. Oh God, I cried! “Make it stop!” And mercifully, my savior heard my plea. The best thing I ever saw was the roof of that train station.
The ride was over and I had lived through it. OH! MATTHEW! I nearly forgot about him! The best I could hope for was that he was alive. I didn’t see him spill out on that first flip before I closed my eyes, so I felt certain he was at least still strapped into the thing. “Matthew?” I asked. “Are you ok?” I figured he’d be crying and ready to leave the park. I assumed we’d be working this one out in therapy at some point down the road – you know, the whole “my mom forced me to ride the Nighthawk and I’ve never been the same since therapy session”. “THAT WAS GREAT!!” He exclaimed! “WHOO!” I was happy to hear his voice. I was glad to know that his tiny little body didn’t work itself out of the restraints and onto pavement somewhere but I couldn’t believe that child had just ridden the same thing I had. Clearly, he’s got some sort of issue that blocks him from seeing the danger in things. I’m going to have to keep a better eye on him!
So, we made it back into the station, they raised our seats up, unbuckled us and we were free to go. I was happy to be back on the ground and I was happy that my bladder had held up under the circumstances. A lesser bladder would have given up at the first sign of spilling out of the thing! I was happy. Happy and dry and shaking. I had to sit down. I stumbled my way over to the first place to sit. I sat there trembling and sort of dazed. Blinking a few times and swallowing. I stared at the blue and yellow menace in front of me and I couldn’t believe I just allowed my precious son to be a victim of it. Matthew, meanwhile, was all jacked up and ready to go ride some more very scary things! “COME ON MOM!” he pleaded! “LET’S GOOO!!!” I answered his requests with “that was the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life”. “I loved it!” he reminded me! “Didn’t you love it mom?” “No son, no I didn’t. I thought I was going to die” I quietly answered back. And my son, bless his heart – I know he loves me but I’m not so sure I’ll ever be able to count on him for any sort of comfort or understanding in a future time of need, says “Mom. You’re wrecking all my joy”. And then he was mad at me until I regained myself enough to walk over to the next thrill ride and start that process all over again!
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