Over the years I’ve interviewed many a criminal. And usually the common thread is growing up in a home without a father – or sometimes a mother – and much of the time feeling left to fend for themselves. OH! Please don’t let my boy become a STATISTIC!
Many statistics will tell you that any kid growing up in a single-parent household will likely face an uphill climb. Statistically speaking, he’s far more likely to experience violence, commit suicide, continue a cycle of poverty, become drug dependent, commit a crime or perform below his peers in education. I didn’t realize the act of becoming a single parent could lead him right into some of the exact things I was trying to shield him from. What a dilemma for a mother! (And dilemmas for single fathers, also…)
I used to listen to a guy on talk radio who would continuously dismiss single moms as careless women who just ran around having babies at leisure, living off the government and producers of the next generation of street thugs and criminals. If some kid got into some random trouble and made the news this talk show host would not fail to mention; “Oh, and his father wasn’t around” or “and I’ll bet his mother doesn’t even know who his father is”. This radio guy would make me so mad when he would generalize single moms as some sort of thoughtless tramps with no control of their destined for failure offspring! Every time he had some topic related to single parenting he couldn’t help himself but say the hurtful things he believed. I would nearly dare him to walk a mile in my shoes.
I never intended to be a single mom – well who does, really? But the wheels came off the marriage and by baby’s first birthday it was all over but the crying. We separated and I was left to it – raising a baby boy on my own. I sold our house, found a daycare and went back to work. I wasn’t happy about letting the daycare partially raise my son – but I had to work so we could eat and not be homeless. I was determined to make it work. But those statistics. Those troubling statistics. What if, despite my best efforts to raise up this boy the right way, he just turns out all wrong. I hope we never give that radio guy something to talk about.
With an estimated 30% of all American households being one-parent families, more and more resources are becoming available for single parents and more importantly, their children.
I spoke with Jason Marlowe, Pastor at Tuckaseege Baptist Church in Mt. Holly. He works alongside several other dedicated area pastors and youth pastors in a mentor program for the local schools. “We started out at the high school level”, he said. “There were so many kids in our area who live in broken homes, have no contact with a dad or mom, even kids right here in Gaston County who are officially homeless. The potential for trouble for some of these kids was so great, we thought we could make a difference by lending a hand with some good life skills.” Pastor Marlowe has a background in Criminal Justice and understands a lot of what leads a kid into a life of crime. He knows the statistics.
He went on to say, “We offered advice on college, decision making, jobs and just life. And we listened to them. Some of the stories were sad, tragic even and some of these kids just needed an outlet to share how they were feeling. We wanted them to know that no matter how unfair life seemed at times, they were cared for – at least by us. They needed to know that they could make it in this world no matter their circumstances. The History books are full of kids who grew up and made it.”
Pastor Marlowe continued, “It seemed like the kids we were being introduced to were younger and younger. Finally we were asked if we would start visiting one of the local middle schools. It wasn’t long after that when we were asked to come to the elementary school also.”
“Some of these boys and girls have been through a lot already. They’ve seen so much in their young lives – stuff kids shouldn’t ever have to deal with – we have to go to them. We have to make sure they know there is a way and a hope and a future for them.” He continued, “Some of these kids don’t get much at all from home. Not just as a church, but as a community, we have to step up and give these kids what we can to help them succeed.”
Pastor Marlowe was raised by a single mom. He knows.
There are ample resources in the Charlotte and surrounding areas for single parenting. You can find many avenues of assistance at www.kidsincharlotte.com or http://www.singlemomassistance.org/city/nc-charlotte.
For the children, many communities have sports organizations and nearly every church in town has programs for kids! Some churches offer after school care, mentoring, tutoring and more for kids from single-parent homes. Getting kids involved in positive, faith-based or educational activities will put them in contact with good role models, adults who care about them and can fill in some of the gaps when a parent is missing. Statistically, the statistics improve for the child of a single parent when they become involved with organized sports or church youth groups!
According to the Boy Scouts of America website, “…family involvement is essential to Scouting’s success. When we talk about “family” in Scouting, we’re sensitive to the realities of present-day families. Many Scouts do not come from traditional two-parent homes. Some boys live with a single parent or with other relatives or guardians. The Boy Scouts considers a boy’s family to be the people with whom he lives. Countless success stories have been made for kids from single parent families coming through the Boy/Girl Scout programs.
The Big Brothers Big Sisters Organization serves more than 1300 youth in Mecklenburg and Cabarrus counties. According to their website, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Greater Charlotte “targets the children who need us most, including those living in single parent homes, growing up in poverty and coping with parental incarceration. Founded in 1972, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Greater Charlotte (BBBSGC) has operated under the belief that inherent in every child, is the ability to succeed and thrive in life. Big Brothers Big Sisters’ mission is to provide children facing adversity with strong and enduring, professionally supported one-to-one relationships that change their lives for the better, forever.”
The website goes on to say, “BBBSGC effectively improves the lives of youth and deeply engages communities through involvement with families, mentors, community funders, schools and other partners. (Their) proven methodology for serving children through one-to-one mentoring relationships produces measurable positive outcomes in the areas of educational success, avoidance of risky behaviors and socio-economic competence.
To learn more about Big Brothers Big Sisters of Greater Charlotte, visit their website at www.bbbscharlotte.org . To enroll a child, donate or volunteer you can contact them at 704.910.1301.
So listen up, my fellow single parents! If you’re like me – hard working, dedicated single mom very hopeful that my kid never graces the pages of Crime In Charlotte (.com), take advantage of some of these programs our communities have to offer. Contact your church, join together with other single parents in your neighborhoods, get involved in a support group or a school mentor program! Let’s start a trend of good statistics for a change, and can change the way radio guys report about us and our kids!
Jonna Bishop Bingham
Published April 11, 2013
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