#THATDiabetes

Captain's Log ~ Star Date 11.9.2021. I went to the doctor today. Again. And it was bad. Well, I'm not dying - so it's not that bad, but I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Again. And the doctor handed me a handful of papers, phone numbers to nutritionists, specialists, and names of glucose monitors. Again. Then he sent a drug store's worth of prescriptions over to the pharmacist. Again. And I was nearly inconsolable. Again. It was 2 years ago just yesterday that I was the featured story on the news, as a champion of reversing type 2 diabetes with diet and exercise alone. Oh well - if they could see me now.

At least I wasn't blindsided. I would be lying if I said I didn't expect it. I did. The only thing that makes me feel remotely "ok" this time around is that my numbers weren't quite as bad as last time. Regardless, here we go. Again.

When I was diagnosed with Diabetes in 2017 it took me about 6 months to get my head around it. But by January of 2018 I had picked myself out a "good diet" and planned, prepped and prepared myself. By the end of January I had lost 30 pounds! Overall in about a years time I lost 130 pounds and got my A1C from 10.0 to 5.0. Easy Peasy! But it turns out my "good diet" was incredibly extreme and not exactly safe for a fledgling diabetic like myself. It's a wonder I didn't fall out somewhere! I nearly did fall out a few times. The world "sustainable" was tossed around a lot - was it "sustainable"? Well hell no!

Since that 1st spectacular and public (in my mind) fall from grace when I gained back all but 15 pounds of my weight ... I met a wonderful counselor who specializes in body dysmorphia and eating disorders. We have spent about a year and a half together trying to figure out how to manage this mental thing I have with food. It's been a long, HARD road - and turns out I haven't even gotten started good yet. I know I have to "diet" - but not "diet". You know what I mean?! I absolutely LOVE. TO. EAT! There is no rhyme or reason behind it - happy, sad, bored, mad, hungry, stuffed, it doesn't matter, I love food. And food somehow has a way of loving me - like a comfortable friend or some hug by someone you love. I wonder if people who tend to be on the bigger side are destined to battle weight their whole lives? Are smaller people just meant to be smaller? Whatever it is - for this big girl it doesn't seem fair. Losing weight - and keeping it off - has got to be the hardest thing I have ever done. And I've eaten myself all the way to diabetes. Stupid food. Oh how I love you!

I got a text message from someone the other day - out of the blue - who told me she was just diagnosed with diabetes herself. And she said all she could do was think about my "journey" that was splattered all over Facebook. She said recalling the things I wrote about helped her know what to do now. I was happy to hear that even now after my diet failure - that someone got something substantial from it. And maybe her popping up on me right out of the blue was God's way of getting me ready for this battle! Again. Maybe this time along with my awesome gym sister, running sisters, race sisters and people cheering me on from the real or virtual sidelines I'll have a bonafide diabetic partner to do this with! See how God does a thing?!

Writing all about it last time helped me. If for no other reason - it gave me something to write about. I intend to write about it again - but this time I'm just going to keep it in my blog. Maybe I'll still get to put it all together in a book someday - at least in my blog it's kept in one spot!

There's nothing exciting about this post for me - other than I wrote it. I haven't started a diet, I haven't checked my sugar, I haven't downloaded any apps or busted out my running shoes. I just got slapped in the face with some truth again. And, just like last time - also slapped with some Truth found in Romans 8:28 - that ALL things work for the good for those who love him and have been called according to his purpose. ALL things - even diabetes. Again. #THATdiabetes